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Worm-tongue by: One & eddy styx

Worm-tongue

I spied him, there
from my position
in the deeper shadows.
marked him,
vowed to unearth his game.
he, crouching in weeds
peeking in windows
gathering dirt
invisible, cloaked
in the lie of "compatriot"
call him, "Luke"
his cohorts: "Mathew"
and don't forget "John"
the lead roach,
who holds the leashes
of the hell-hounds
on my trail.
I spied him hiding upon his hands and knees
A demonic smile worn across his face
Calculating and devious he watched my every move
I led him along a merry dance where I took him for the fool he was
With my misdirection and false moves he fell into the pit I had dug
I smiled a fake smile as our eyes locked for a second
He’d been caught, I had shown him for what he was
I left him to make 5 from adding 2 to 2
I let him leave to report his findings…this game had only begun
He had fallen into my trap, where only I knew the lyrics to the song I sang.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
co-authored by One
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

As I read this, I espied a number of places that could've been rhymed easily. I felt that you were holding back; but it is your work and if you choose not to... I thoroughly enjoyed the chase! I sincerely hope that you enjoyed writing this as much as I enjoyed the reading. Thank you!
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

sometimes it is a good idea to hold back and allow the reader to fill in the blanks. this is what I intended. I'm glad you enjoyed it. but let's not forget my co-author's part in this poem. I think that he (one) was particularly brilliant!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

it is a co-write, maybe I should have said: You all seemed to be holding back, [I meant with the rhyme], but the story by the three of you was right in lockstep! I enjoyed the three of your writing as much as I hope you all enjoyed writing it! I particularly enjoyed this one, it gives great insight to the spy business.
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks for the assessment. We deliberately didn’t rhyme to give it a more awkward stance. The only deliberate rhyme was the final two lines.

It was good to co-write again as that is the one thing I do miss being a solitary writer. Cat’s always so easy to write with, I tend to follow her lead which out if my comfort zone but seems to work when writing with Cat.

Anyway, cheers for the read & feedback.

One.

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

I absolutely love the second stanza nearly as much as the first one. Which one did I write again?

Regards

One.

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

do you know what a joy you are for me??? you make me laugh, LOL!

*hugs, Sis

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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