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Window Pane

I am not a window pane
To be sat upon in the rain
I am not a viewer with a hallucinatory brain
To the box that sucks out souls
And sells them in the street
I can walk on my own
With my two cut off feet

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

Quite a statement there, though the act of sitting on a window Pane would probably cause lots of Pain.
To alleviate the Pain would "Set Upon" be better for the rain, I would say it is a typo and start again, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

for the comment. I guess "set upon" would make more sense; I wasn't really thinking when I wrote this x3 I just let it flow out.

Amber

author comment

is the box the TV ? I rather liked this one not sure if you should change sat for set it could be read two different ways, and I think you meant sat on but I could be wrong lol

nice to read you I dont think I have had the pleasure before :)

sincerely Jayne-Chloe

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

you for reading! :) Yes, the box is the tv.

Amber

author comment

Loved this piece! As for the TV set, a weapon of mass distraction, we have been without this monster which people base their lives around and even worship! For some folk its their religion.

Namaste,

Lenny

_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent

Wei Wu Wei

so much! That's sadly true.

Amber

author comment

Is that the Paralympic pistorius Oscar man who killed his girl friend?
Well described and evocative

No, I never even heard of that until now : 3 It's interesting that you thought of that though

author comment
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