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Wildfires II

Submitted by Candlewitch on Wed, 2024-02-21 15:45

my life was
like an open wound
seeking healing from the pain...

my love was
septic, pure sewage
garbage down a drain...

my heart
recognized yours
as a beacon in the dark...

your soul,
fuel for fire
to lighten and spark...

your mouth,
the source of my truths
I will hang on every line...

your eyes,
speak in the softest tones
I praise the skies that you are mine!

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2024-02-21 21:50

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Wildfires II" utilizes a variety of metaphors and similes to convey a narrative of pain, love, and redemption. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further development and refinement.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. The current structure is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow and make the poem feel disjointed. By establishing a more consistent rhythm, the poem could achieve a smoother flow that enhances the reading experience.

Secondly, the poem could benefit from more vivid and unique imagery. While the metaphors used (e.g., "open wound", "pure sewage", "beacon in the dark") are effective in conveying the speaker's emotions, they are somewhat common and may not fully capture the reader's attention. By using more unique and unexpected imagery, the poem could evoke stronger emotions and create a more memorable impact.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a clearer development of its theme. While the poem seems to be about the healing power of love, this theme could be explored and developed in more depth. By expanding on this theme, the poem could provide a more nuanced and insightful exploration of the speaker's experiences and emotions.

In conclusion, while the poem effectively uses metaphors and similes to convey a narrative of pain, love, and redemption, it could benefit from a more consistent rhythm, more vivid and unique imagery, and a clearer development of its theme.

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Geezer

Wed, 2024-02-21 15:59

Valentine's Day...

a bit late? Or just because?
The line could be: full of [poison] and pain
It's [skies]. Love this, ~ Geez.
.

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Candlewitch

Thu, 2024-02-22 08:40