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Wildfires

your life,
was like a night game
played out in the rain...

your love,
like fabled moths
flying to the flame...

your heart,
like a songbird
trapped in a gilded cage...

your soul,
a wounded animal
twisted in pain and rage...

your eyes, spoke to me
of the tiniest desire,
as you ran out of speech...

reaching out and touching
just one precious being
to set both our souls on fire...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem presents a vivid and emotional exploration of a relationship through the use of metaphors. Each stanza focuses on a different aspect of the subject's character, creating a layered and complex portrait.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The metaphor of the 'fabled moths' could be clarified. Moths are typically associated with self-destruction, but it's unclear how this relates to the subject's love. Is it destructive or all-consuming? Expanding on this metaphor could provide more insight into the nature of the subject's love.

The phrase 'guided cage' is also somewhat ambiguous. Cages are typically associated with restriction and confinement, but the addition of 'guided' is confusing. Does the cage direct the songbird, or is it directed by something or someone else? Clarifying this metaphor could strengthen the overall narrative of the poem.

The last two stanzas introduce a shift in perspective, from the subject's character to their actions. This shift could be made smoother with a transitional phrase or stanza. As it stands, the transition feels abrupt and may confuse readers.

Finally, the poem could benefit from more consistent punctuation. The use of commas and ellipses seems arbitrary and could disrupt the flow of the poem. Establishing a consistent punctuation pattern could improve the poem's readability and rhythm.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Wonderful write Cat! Loved the rythm and flow here - very romantic. Especially liked the last two stanzas to finish - well done!

Best

Michael Anthony

Thank you so very much for reading and commenting! greatly appreciated!

*hugs, Cat

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author comment

Hello Cat.
Every once in a while, actually often, I read a poem and say "Yea I should have said that". Really enjoyed the poem, thanks for sharing.

My favorite stanza; reaching out and touching/ just one precious being/to set both our souls on fire.

Best wishes, Will

Many thank you's for reading my poem... and telling me what you liked, I appreciate it. You can also tell me what you do not like. I hope you know that?

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I really liked this poem!! I think my favorite lines were
“your heart,
like a songbird
trapped in a guided cage...”
It really encapsulates someone wanting to love you but not knowing how. Wonderfully done!!

-hippiemoon

I appreciating your comments on my poem. AI is all prickles and brambles, lol. It is good to read something positive! Thank you!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

This is a beautifully romantic poem, but it is describing the birth of a romance from a single point of view. I would like to challenge you to write another poem from the other person point of view; sort of a reflection of this poem. Maybe the title could be "Reflections of Wildfires".

This is great poetry and deserves, in my opinion, a complimentary piece.

Thanx,
Steve

Wow! I will think about your challenge... I do not know if I can do any better than this. I will try, thank you for your kind thoughts.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

you meant [gilded]-cage. The rest of the poem reads like a fairy-tale of 'forever after.' Bravo! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you for catching that! I really appreciate that you told me. thank you for reading and the positive feedback.

*Hugs to you boys, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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author comment

The different images and illustrations work so well together, and progressively.

"Your life/was like a night game/played out in the rain"

If I were to pick my favorite line or stanza, I'd have to copy-paste the whole poem, so I chose the above simply because it was an image I had never drawn in my mind before, so the surprise was truly delightful.

Thank you for reading and commenting on this poem I hope it was not too negative for you. I appreciate you telling the line that caught your eye!

*hugs, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Far from it! I have always had a fascination and love for many of the pieces of imagery you used, and then tieing them together at the end with fire - another imagery weakness of mine - I found a perfect touch. So no, far from it. And even if it were negative/dark...
I can enjoy dark poetry ;)

I am glad to read that you can read and enjoy darker poetry! As that is what I write. It is good to know that an intelligent person as yourself is not predisposed. thank you so much.

*ever, eddy styx

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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