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Whispering Wind - a Norfolk tale
I wanted to read this to you, so here is my sound recording
https://soundcloud.com/user-391664655/whispering-wind-a-norfolk-tale
I stare at the beach,
at the sea washed, sky infused,
storm swept sand,
fringed with pebbles and rocks
and the salt marshland.
I listen intently
as the wind plays her tunes
through marram and crouch,
then over the dunes
above the gulls’ cry
the faintest of sounds
a murmuring sigh.
I thought I caught the wind whisper through
“Come here to me, here to me
I’m waiting for you.”
Drawn back to the beach
with the pull of the tide
empty, deserted
I quicken my stride
across shifting sand
I stumble and slip.
No sign of life
no faraway ship,
no cry from the gulls
just the wind whispering chill
“Come to me, come to me
Do what I will.”
The sky holds no hope,
it’s infinite grey
is cold and uncaring.
Now the sea turns away
and leaves me alone.
Alone on this beach
in sheer isolation,
I’m far out of reach
with no chance of salvation.
Then comes the moment,
the wind whispers chill
“I’ve come for you, come for you
I’ll do what I will.”
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
On holiday in Norfolk, it is supposed to be one of the most haunted counties (states) in England. Add this to the amazing windswept beaches and salt marshes..........
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ali Zonach
Sat, 2017-06-03 08:02
Jane,
this poem is absolutely haunting. Having been raised by the sea, I know how desolate a person can feel, especially on a sunless day, walking alone on a sandy beach or craggy shore--accompanied only by the whispering wind. Shivers! Great write.
Ali
jane210660
Sat, 2017-06-03 13:05
Ali
I'm chuffed to bits you recognise the desolation that can be found on some seashores, like those I found here. Really quite eerie.
Thank you for the read and the comments, they are very much appreciated.
Jx
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author commentKeith Logan
Sat, 2017-06-03 12:23
Inspired Jane
'Tis a long time since I wrote about nothing but a feeling and you have done a beautiful job of just that. It is difficult to maintain the suspense with so little substance but even with three long verses you leave the reader craving more. A talent indeed.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
jane210660
Sat, 2017-06-03 13:08
Thank you Keith
I really appreciate your comments and am so glad you enjoyed this.
I don't know whether you have visited Norfolk, but I suspect there are very similar beaches in parts of Scotland. There have been quite a few televised ghost stories in and around Norfolk, particularly when the BBC did the ghost stories at Christmas - do you remember those?
Jx
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author commentKeith Logan
Sun, 2017-06-04 13:45
Not really
I am very selective about what I watch on television and for the same reason have not been to the cinema in years. I like light-hearted comedies and the occasional chick flick (light-hearted romances). There are rare exceptions such as Band of Brothers and Million Dollar Baby (in fact quite a lot of Clint Eastwood's directorial work). I have read more than one book on ghost stories of the British Isles. One story I particularly remember concerns a cliff in Cornwall where many people went over to their death, the mystery being solved when one man being hemmed in by a massive shadow thought hard about the rocks below and instead ran through the shade to where he had parked, then drove away.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
scribbler
Sat, 2017-06-03 17:30
Hi Jane
A deserted beach, even if bordered by high rise hotels Does have a desolate feel doesn't it? Now what the heck is a "marram"? I liked the spaced out rhyming which not only held the poem together but also added to the feel of the poem........stan
jane210660
Sat, 2017-06-03 17:37
Hi Stan
Marram and crouch are types of beach grass. Course and quite long, ideal for carrying wind song.
Jx
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author commentscribbler
Sat, 2017-06-03 22:32
Now
I have something new to use in my next poem about the beach. Thank ngod because the only sea grass i knew of was sea oats
Eumolpus
Sat, 2017-06-03 17:48
Deserted beaches
Have a way of dong that to us. Maybe that's why we go them, to hear the voices of the eternal.
Your poem captures that mood, in the end we are alone, with the force of fate.
A very well painted canvas.
Hope your upcoming work sings of more cheerful things- hey, you're supposed to be on holiday!
Plutot La Vie! as Andre Breton said. Choose life!
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
wesley snow
Sat, 2017-06-03 19:27
I have but one complaint.
On your poem you have checked that you want "moderate criticism".
Excuse me, but bullshit. You want the "raw truth". You are a member of the AC, an advocate, a moderator and (if I can get my act together) a workshop leader.
You don't want patty cake... you want humble pie.
I want you to tell everyone that you want everything they have to offer no matter how tough it may be.
You may be on holiday there, but in here you are hard at work.
I agree. The poem is haunting. If it were mine I would likely try to even out some of the meter, but don't go back and change a thing. It is a beautiful poem.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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jane210660
Sun, 2017-06-04 04:03
Yes Sir!
You're right, I shouldn't have ticked that box, but this poem has drawn a lot from me - don't know why, but more than usual. I feel a bit protective towards it, but I'm not the sort of girl to deal in half truths, or even sugar coating, so I'll edit the feedback option.
Probably going soft in my old age Wesley.
I'm glad you read it though and thank you for commenting.
Cheers Jxx
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Remember we are a workshop site.
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author commentSparrow
Sat, 2017-06-03 19:31
Jane
A lovely write, just thoughts of being alone on a beaut beach and becoming part of the scene..
I must go down to the sea again
To the lonely sea and sky.
I left my pants and vest there
I wonder if they are dry.
Have a lovely day tomorrow,
Yours as always Ian..xx
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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
jane210660
Sun, 2017-06-04 03:57
Ian
Thank you for your kind words, and as for that verse......... bloody brilliant.
Am still smiling.
Another lovely day beckons in Norfolk, have you ever been?
Jx
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Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
author commentSparrow
Sun, 2017-06-04 04:52
Jane
I notice that you are from Yorkshire, but were you from Norfolk??
My family on my Fathers side are from Dereham Norfolk.
My Father and four of his brothers were in WW1.
I went to Dereham last month to pay respects to my Uncle he sleeps in Jerusalem.
"Jesse John Howard" lost his life one hundred years ago fighting for Gazza, nothing changes much. they are still fighting..
My Father ran away three times to join his Brothers in 1914, they sent him home twice but took him in on the third time, as he was born on Dec 3rd 1897 he was supposed to be too young.
Our family are from the Norfolk Howards, the present Duke of Norfolk and have held that position for hundreds of years, I think our Howards were the others LOL, we go back to the 500's but a church burnt down with the family records so there is a part that we cannot trace further.
In Henry 8th's time Katherine was part of the Norfolk family but we need better records and a lot of pennies to obtain a family tree.
Still just call me Sir, I wont complain lol
Take care and have a lovely day out there,
Yours as always Ian.. xxx
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
jane210660
Sun, 2017-06-04 05:42
Hi Sir Ian
No I'm from Yorkshire through and through. We're on holiday near Sherringham because we wanted to explore the area. It's absolutely beautiful. Not keen on the tourist towns like Cromer, but the villages and the beaches........ just unbelievably beautiful.
Anne Boleyn also supposed to be born here too - at Blickling Hall, but the Tudor house has been replaced by Jacobean.
Jx
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Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
author commentweirdelf
Sun, 2017-06-04 18:28
Bravo!
There are some lines in my upcoming poem "Occam's Chainsaw"
"If it has the ring of truth
there is probably some there
if it feels more like remembering
you're near the voids returning stare"
This feels like remembering.
The ocean and empty beaches are more in my blood than most having lived on the coast and been a surfer most of my life and this... is.
My only crit was the same as Wesley's
Lovely to hear your voice. I wish more poets would use Soundcloud or Vocaroo. May I post the recording to our Neopoet.com Facebook page?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
jane210660
Mon, 2017-06-05 05:31
Hi Jess
Thanks for reading and commenting.
I'll look forward to reading "Occam's Chainsaw"
Yes by all means, please post to facebook.
Cheers jx
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Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2017-06-12 08:04
By crikey it does a jaded old poet a power of good
to see someone really using Neopoet to full advantage.
Amazing the amount of difference seemingly small revisions make to meaning and metre.
Onya!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry