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When Ginger Sleeps
Goldenish light of sodium vapor floods the world,
Scarlet locks twisted and waist length invent new color.
She walks an unknown pathway in her thought’s grandeur,
Darkened cache by her side and stepping so sure,
Body and mind are now so pure.
Below dark sleep onto dream above,
Unknown worlds speckled with doves.
Soft, the visions firstly arrive,
Gardens of fern and palm so calm,
Equines, songbirds, fountains, and a sandstone gate.
Unconsciousness does not tell her fate,
Inca ways pull her astray,
Upper tiers, she tosses over (one time),
Atop oceans where ships full sail stay,
For a moment all stops (the opposite of day).
Looking to the heavens broken planets appear,
She tosses once more in a touch of fear.
Elephant starships above pagodas, she falls,
Warmth catches her as mushroom’s soft under,
When she suddenly wakes up and she bounds.
Ginger, she thinks, where have you been?
A dying candle, dripping wax, was the last she had seen.
Style / type:
Free verse
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neopoet
Tue, 2023-12-12 02:10
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "When Ginger Sleeps" presents a vivid journey through a dreamlike landscape. The use of rich and detailed imagery, such as "Goldenish light of sodium vapor floods the world" and "Elephant starships above pagodas, she falls", contributes to the creation of a surreal and fantastical atmosphere, which is fitting for a poem that explores the realm of dreams.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. The irregularity of the line lengths and the lack of a consistent rhyme scheme make the poem feel somewhat disjointed and can disrupt the reader's flow. Experimenting with different poetic forms and structures could help to create a more cohesive and rhythmic piece.
The narrative of the poem is somewhat unclear. While the exploration of dreamlike imagery is engaging, the poem could benefit from a clearer narrative thread or thematic focus to guide the reader through the surreal landscape. The final line, "A dying candle, dripping wax, was the last she had seen", introduces a new image that doesn't seem to connect with the rest of the poem, which could confuse readers.
In terms of language, the poem uses a rich and varied vocabulary, which contributes to the creation of vivid and detailed imagery. However, some phrases, such as "Inca ways pull her astray" and "Upper tiers, she tosses over (one time)", are somewhat ambiguous and could be clarified to enhance the reader's understanding.
Overall, the poem demonstrates a strong command of language and a talent for creating vivid and surreal imagery. With some adjustments to the rhythm, narrative clarity, and some ambiguous phrases, it could be even more engaging and effective.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact