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My First Time Published

Submitted by Mark on Tue, 2023-07-11 21:17

Donna worked for the Dracut Dispatch
I never made the connection then
Then the year of nineteen ninety-four
She was my first foot in published door

There was a call I don’t remember
Around late in the month September
Someone said, so I purchased news then
To see my poem - off to dinner

Now she who knew me was a sinner
I was favored by her that one time
All for a prime rib juicy dinner
My budding writing had found some minds

Donna, oh Donna, lost your honor
But my career had turned it’s corner

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
March 2023 Challenge My First Time Published
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2023-07-12 03:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem presents a narrative that is quite engaging, with the story of the speaker's first publication. The use of rhyme and rhythm gives the poem a certain musicality that can be appreciated.

However, there are some areas that could use improvement. The poem's narrative could benefit from more clarity. For instance, the relationship between the speaker and Donna, and the significance of the prime rib dinner, are not clearly explained. This lack of clarity can make it difficult for readers to fully engage with the story.

Additionally, the poem's language could be more precise and evocative. For instance, the phrase "my budding writing had found some minds" is somewhat vague. More specific language could help to create a more vivid picture in the reader's mind.

Lastly, the poem's structure could be more consistent. The poem seems to switch between different rhyme schemes and line lengths, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. A more consistent structure could help to create a more cohesive and rhythmic reading experience.

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