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Time for coffee

Submitted by E E Kenny on Sat, 2023-04-29 21:35

Bad news used to come in brown envelopes
What now, handwritten, or shades of pastel
A joke from an institute that delegates effectively
to below average incomes with zero experience in that kind of thing

Have I won a prize or do I owe more money
Is the world going to burn before I actually have to do something
I just want two duvets, four pillows and ten hours of sleep
No more letters, no pressures, threats warning
things might get more threatening

Prerolled, shop bought, strangers at the door waiting for magic words,
I’m just heading out, I’m completely normal, acting natural, very casual
I set myself goals that aren’t completely impossible, so I have an alibi if anyone gets too close, asking for proof that I’ve really been setting myself goals and not just playing candy crush, behind a locked door, alone
Which is completely understandable

Ive googled ‘am I having a nervous breakdown’,
‘Am I a bad person’,
‘The 12 signs you’re going insane, specifically as a woman’,
I’ve taken the myers Briggs personality quiz
Confused by the description of a person who can’t possibly exist, until
It’s time to drink coffee, according to my exhaustive to do list
And wash the pile of clothes I tried on once and threw in the laundry bin

Cos I haven’t gone outside since last weekend
And I haven’t said a word out loud since then
And the coffee tastes like shit cos it’s cheap and instant
The sugar settles like the silt in a dank city river, at the very bottom
Slow beneath the ancient sleight of ferns
The place where junk and bodies go and don’t return

I’ll go outside today and check the box that says go outside today
I’m ok
Thanks for your concern

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-04-29 21:35

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Time for coffee" is a raw and honest portrayal of the overwhelming anxieties and pressures that modern life can bring. The use of contrasting imagery, such as brown envelopes and shades of pastel, effectively captures the uncertain and unpredictable nature of the world we live in. The speaker's desperate desire for peace and simplicity, as seen in their longing for sleep and avoidance of letters and pressures, is relatable and poignant. The use of humor, such as in the joke from the institute, adds a layer of irony and absurdity to the situation, highlighting the absurdity of the expectations placed upon us.

One suggested line edit would be to change "The sugar settles like the silt in a dank city river, at the very bottom" to "The sugar settles like silt in a city river, at the bottom." This edit removes the unnecessary repetition of "dank" and streamlines the line for a smoother flow.

Overall, "Time for coffee" is a well-crafted and insightful poem that effectively captures the struggles of modern life. The use of vivid imagery and humor make it an engaging and relatable read.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Sun, 2023-04-30 07:10

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to see you still writing! I'm beginning to believe that you have found that home I spoke of when you first started here. You certainly have touched some of us, with your observations on living with problems of insecurity and anxiety. This piece is full of the angst and worry of someone who deals with it on a daily basis. You write with confidence and will always have an ear here. I do feel the humor you have hidden under your cloud of troubles. I like the suggestion of the AI and glad that you have used it. Good work! ~ Geezer.
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