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Sunday at Wally World
The weekly mad house.
Everyone in the “Ten Items
Or Less” line has more.
Dressed in finery straight from church or shorts
and flip-flops right from the morning hangover.
The week-to-weekers with buggies full of
plastic on plastic.
And an old gray haired guy
somewhere is smiling.
This is a long way from 1962
right Sam?
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Sun, 2013-02-17 18:08
Your title...
is good, it portrays the situation well. The language straight forward.
The rhythm, pace, pattern, is ok, but I think it could be better.
I like the theme and the beginning and end was good.
The logic is consistant and I especially like the image of the old guy smiling
it gives me the impression that old Sam is still watching over his business. ~ Geezer
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