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Summertime Blues

Submitted by Abby on Mon, 2022-07-18 22:00

Today I walked
With your hand in mine
Down a starry-eyed beach
But only in an image

Taken so long ago
I forget the date
The time the place
I just know that moment is timeless

It transcends an age
It travels through the world
In the pocket of a girl
Who misses her picture perfect

Through summer months
And blues and tears and miles
This image remains
It is beautiful and whole

Something I, the girl, is no longer.
I miss your hand
I miss the feel the smell the taste
I miss everything about you

And on these hot summer days
I am left to picture your hand
Reaching across a dimension
To once more fit in mine

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Contest:

Summertime Blues

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Jackweb

Tue, 2022-07-19 00:41

Hello Abby!

This is a very lovely piece! Almost all the whole lines are very beautiful. Through your imagination you could sense, feel and touch this elegant woman from a distance. Sometimes our memory play back and replays our romantic relationships we had in the past. And this gives us a moment feeling of love and joy that is shortlived!

I just heart this piece the way it was written!

Elegant and enormously gratifying!
.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Abby

Tue, 2022-07-19 15:55

Thank you!

"To fly is to fall."

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2022-07-19 02:44

dear Abby,

it is a sorrow filled picture you have left us readers with. we can only assume what became of the couple. he may have died or left the girl. with these lines I guess he passed away:

And on these hot summer days
I am left to picture your hand
Reaching across a dimension
To once more fit in mine

always, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Abby

Tue, 2022-07-19 15:55

thanks for the feedback!

"To fly is to fall."

author comment

nokros

Tue, 2022-07-19 06:25

Hi Abby, this...

piece has a sad connotation to it. Love your style. Keep well.

Geezer

Tue, 2022-07-19 09:43

Nice to see you back...

I've missed your writing. This poem is a good reason for writing the time, date and people on the back of every photograph.
I have many pictures that are precious, but when I am gone, the memory will be too, and people will say; "I wonder who was in that picture with him? What is that story? I like this piece a lot. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2022-07-19 15:17

Great job

Sorry someone you cared so deeply for is separated from your over space and time. The poem is absolutely beautiful. If I have one suggestion it concerns stanza 5

Something I, the girl, is no longer.
I miss your hand
I miss the feel the smell the taste
I miss everything about you

That first line, is that a typographical error or a misplaced comma. I understand what it says but it reads a little off to me. Otherwise an amazing poem.

Great job,
Tim

MermaidMaster

Fri, 2022-07-22 02:04