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Summertime Blues
Today I walked
With your hand in mine
Down a starry-eyed beach
But only in an image
Taken so long ago
I forget the date
The time the place
I just know that moment is timeless
It transcends an age
It travels through the world
In the pocket of a girl
Who misses her picture perfect
Through summer months
And blues and tears and miles
This image remains
It is beautiful and whole
Something I, the girl, is no longer.
I miss your hand
I miss the feel the smell the taste
I miss everything about you
And on these hot summer days
I am left to picture your hand
Reaching across a dimension
To once more fit in mine
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Jackweb
Tue, 2022-07-19 00:41
Hello Abby!
This is a very lovely piece! Almost all the whole lines are very beautiful. Through your imagination you could sense, feel and touch this elegant woman from a distance. Sometimes our memory play back and replays our romantic relationships we had in the past. And this gives us a moment feeling of love and joy that is shortlived!
I just heart this piece the way it was written!
Elegant and enormously gratifying!
.
"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb
Abby
Tue, 2022-07-19 15:55
Thank you!
Thank you!
"To fly is to fall."
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-07-19 02:44
dear Abby,
it is a sorrow filled picture you have left us readers with. we can only assume what became of the couple. he may have died or left the girl. with these lines I guess he passed away:
And on these hot summer days
I am left to picture your hand
Reaching across a dimension
To once more fit in mine
always, Cat
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Abby
Tue, 2022-07-19 15:55
thanks for the feedback!
thanks for the feedback!
"To fly is to fall."
nokros
Tue, 2022-07-19 06:25
Hi Abby, this...
piece has a sad connotation to it. Love your style. Keep well.
Geezer
Tue, 2022-07-19 09:43
Nice to see you back...
I've missed your writing. This poem is a good reason for writing the time, date and people on the back of every photograph.
I have many pictures that are precious, but when I am gone, the memory will be too, and people will say; "I wonder who was in that picture with him? What is that story? I like this piece a lot. ~ Geez.
.
It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?
Rosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2022-07-19 15:17
Great job
Sorry someone you cared so deeply for is separated from your over space and time. The poem is absolutely beautiful. If I have one suggestion it concerns stanza 5
Something I, the girl, is no longer.
I miss your hand
I miss the feel the smell the taste
I miss everything about you
That first line, is that a typographical error or a misplaced comma. I understand what it says but it reads a little off to me. Otherwise an amazing poem.
Great job,
Tim
MermaidMaster
Fri, 2022-07-22 02:04
omg
omg
mark
Sat, 2022-07-23 10:20
A loving memory
captured forever and expressed so well.
Mark
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Rosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2022-07-31 21:46
Applause!
Congratulations on your contest win! I loved this one so much. Well deserved!
Tim
Abby
Mon, 2022-08-01 03:44
Thanks so much!
Thanks so much!
"To fly is to fall."
Geezer
Mon, 2022-08-01 06:55
Congratulations on...
your win of poem of the month! Well done! ~ Geezer.
.
It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?
mark
Mon, 2022-08-01 18:44
Good for you Abby
Looks like we'll be needing a larger area for winnings in all the profiles ;~)
Mark
Be a vibrant component of our Neopoet community by talking with other Neopoets.