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Song Of Spring (May Contest )

Today I heard a robin sing
heralding the coming spring
A song of exultation to the sky
an ode to earth's awakening

I saw a willow on the hill
It's branches greening in the sun
and all the earth seemed hushed & still
sleeping streams began to run

I heard a softly rising breeze
whispering through the grass
singing through the still bare trees
waiting winter's chill to pass

I saw the sun, so bright and warm
warming the earth after the rain
the buds and leaves, no frost to harm
at least, at last, it's spring again.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Very gentle and 'Spring like'.
Good use of rhyming pattern, it isn't forced and adds to the poem, rather than being contrived.
I enjoyed reading this. Jx

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It does need May Contest after your title. I found a blog yesterday which stated that, I updated mine. Wouldn't want your lovely poem to miss out. Jx

------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

I'm a bit of a sucker for rhyming poems lol. It was during my second read of this that I noticed the change in rhyme pattern. But the change doesn't cause any stumble. Thanks for entering contest.......stan

This is a good poem.
Rhyme, cadence, emotions, all are coming together.
I have been away for awhile, and to me, after reading a lot of your work, you have improved significantly. Still not talking much, but that's okay. It is very obvious that you are LISTENING, and learning!
This is concise, well structured, and has an emotional element that I personally believe all poems should have.
Now, let's look at it in more detail....
Verse 1, line 3, has too many syllables. I think the problem is the word "exultation". Read the verse aloud. Can you see how it stumbles? But I've been known to be wrong before!
Verse 2, line 4. The cadence is excellent, just excellent, until you get to line 4, where there is a stumble in the meter again. Adding the word "as" at the beginning of the line might solve it, what do you think?
Verse 3, line 2, we have the same problem, but this time I think you choice of words makes up for it quite a bit. Still take a look at it, and see if you can make it better.
Verse 4, I don't like the use of "warm", and "warming". Use a thesaurus, my friend, and find some synonyms!

Finally, I see that you are asking for Raw Truth. This is most excellent.

Told you; Neopoet makes poets better.
:)
well done, keep writing.

Respectfully, Jim

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