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She Was A/The First/Redhead pt.1 by: eddy styx

Submitted by Candlewitch on Sat, 2022-12-17 07:10

"I'm bored"
said Eve to Adam,
as he scratched his head.
(absentmindedly) Stretching
his back, yawning out the words.
"What should we do today?"
She, observing his
vacuity, his lack of focus,
combed her auburn hair.
Carefully exploring
her ready options.
So they went for a swim
before they breakfasted
on nuts and berries,
milk and honey.
"Let's go for a stroll?"
taking his hand,
pulling him to his feet
(for it was not really a question)
They started off down the lane.
so many trees, Adam could not
see the forest because of them...
*

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

Sat, 2022-12-17 11:45

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See the forest for the trees. He was looking at her behind. Lol. Oh no, that was me! Well, try not to keep me waiting on the next installment.

Tim

Candlewitch

Sun, 2022-12-18 08:25

Candlewitch's picture
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I've got it written but it needs work. maybe tomorrow? thanks for your supportive input.

*ever eddy styx
*hugs, Cat

*
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Geezer

Sat, 2022-12-17 15:30

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who knew what she was doing. Poor Adam didn't have a clue. She knew that they would have to be thrown out of The Garden
for there was an angel with a fiery sword guarding the entrance, so that not only could no one else get in, but also to keep them from escaping. I, like Tim, want to see where this is going. I hope there will be more. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Candlewitch

Sun, 2022-12-18 08:37

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thanks much for both your support and interest. pt2 is in the works...still a couple of bugs to be worked out. God came to me in the form of sever indigestion. much like when he went to harass Abraham. he told me not to write him in a bad light, for he is not the villain (that could be debated. yes?) or there would be consequences!

*ever eddy
*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Lavender

Sat, 2022-12-17 18:24

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This will be an intriguing tale. Will look forward for more!
L

Candlewitch

Sun, 2022-12-18 13:33

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thank you. I have just posted part 2.

*ever eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Dalton

Sun, 2022-12-18 13:14

I always felt Eve mentally superior to Adam though deceived from more than just one angle. According to legend he received three wives Lilith, the First Eve and Eve herself. Lilith created at the same point as Adam. You're probably well familiar with her so I won't go into that. His second wife the First Eve composed before his waking eyes of the stuff of muscle and bone and bile. He could not bear to look upon her so rather than be consigned to the sea of oblivion she asked God that she might be granted the perpose of whispering a child's fate into its ear on the first night in the world. And of course Eve of whose fate we're all well versed (-:

Candlewitch

Mon, 2022-12-19 08:43

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I had a grandmother who was a religious fanatic. (not good) whom I lived with (with my older sister)for about a year, closer to 2. she beat me with reading the Christian Bible. I was not a good pupil. the words sunk in but I saw stories within stories.
thank you for the honor of your reading my bits of fancy ;)

*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy styx

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Dalton

Sun, 2022-12-18 15:49

My Grandma the only one I knew was orthodox catholic we never had one conversation on the subject of religion. We talked about literature, history, human freedoms but never faith. My Mum was raised in my Grandparents faith she was mistreated in the convent school she attended and if asked she would say she doesn't believe. I was not raised within the faith but I do wholeheartedly believe. Go figure. Theology or pantheism is something which interests me immensely. But I don't often go into conversations on the subject it's a personal and private thing. I liked your poem and will enjoy contemplating the companion piece. Hope I did not offend in indulging myself in these thoughts regards John (-:

Candlewitch

Sun, 2022-12-18 19:36

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I promise to respond to this comment tomorrow morning. there has been no offense taken here.

*ever, eddy styx
*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Emerald1

Mon, 2022-12-19 16:51

Hi Cat
Fascinating piece , great imagery and intriguing narrative ,love the way you describe Adam being let "up the garden path "by the much more clever Eve , your piece grabs attention and whets the appetite for more , nice write

Candlewitch

Mon, 2022-12-19 18:10

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thank you for the great comment, I really admire it and your style. I wish it was easier for me to write responses. I fear I am a total dunce at it, lol. thanks for telling me what you liked. it is greatly appreciated :)

*ever, eddy styx
* hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

RoseBlack

Mon, 2022-12-19 17:24

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I am on the edge of my seat...going to part 2 right now...

~RoseBlack~

Candlewitch

Mon, 2022-12-19 18:13

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thank you!

* ever, eddy
* hugs, and BB, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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