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She died in my arms, yet alone at the last
If you ever feel
Upon your lonely face
A soft dying breath
Realise that it is the final gasp
Of your lover
As she perished alone and in tears
O the memory of such sweet torment
Will pulverise my soul evermore
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England
Favorite Poets
Favourite poets include Siegfried Sassoon and (obviously) Shakespeare. I quite like Charles Bukowski too even though he was a bit plebeian.
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2020-11-25 14:25
Your title...
is at odds with your poem in the sixth line. ~ Geezer.
.
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Dandini
Wed, 2020-11-25 15:08
In a sense you are correct,
In a sense you are correct, but one can be alone and accompanied at the same time if you are unaware of the company. I shall consider amending the title.
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2020-11-25 20:20
I see what...
you are saying, but maybe you could make it clearer, if that is what you intend. ~ Geezer.
.
Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.
Teddy15
Thu, 2020-11-26 04:26
Dear Dandini
So I think this is so dramatic your imagery is an opera fabulous.
however I totally agree with Geezer that you need to make it clearer, of course we are alone when we die even if we are in someone's arms. However in this poem it doesn't work as well as it could.
You could stretch your thoughts on this, we are a workshop so that's why we can come along and give our views of what we see,
Maybe you could say
As she perishes in her last tears
She makes her next journey alone
Some thing like that, i see for you it is particularly important that the readers knows she is alone so I hope I have helped give some idea.
You also use sweet torment, most interesting, an opera indeed
Perhaps it's the title that could be changed to something like
sweet torment.
Thank you...Teddy