Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Reflection (eddy styx)

Reflection

through claret vision
and pain of bad decision
she took stock of her world
keen was the razor
carving her thoughts
slicing emotions
into barbed wire strips
of raw nerves as pain grips
but inscrutable face
revealed none of this
her features were even
lips in sanguine mask
porcelain features
on skin alabaster
but the gray of her eyes
had no sparkle or shine
as if they had seen
the hate of the world
and cruelties defined
reflecting back a flat echo
into a deceased ocean

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
eddy styx is my male, murderous, alter ego who writes dark poetry. thanks, Cat
Editing stage: 

Comments

Really enjoyed reading this...the lexis carried the theme through and the half rhyming assonance kept a pace. The ending loops perfectly with the beginning. Great crafting.

Regards,

'Betty'

Thank you so very much for your indepth comment. And welcome to Neopoet! I hope to see more of you.

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

my dearest and most reliable reader...you do me great honor!

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

gr8 poem much enjoyed thanks

Thank you for your positive comment :) again, welcome to Neopoet!

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

i just love
'but the gray of her eyes
had no sparkle or shine
as if they had seen
the hate of the world
and cruelties defined
reflecting back a flat echo
into a deceased ocean'
- my only suggestion would be to change 'deceased' to 'bloodied' or some other thing - we really know that she is dead, having it actually said seems superfluous

and the reference to lipstick is so clever
- 'lips in sanguine mask'

great write
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I enjoy your visits to my page of poetry more than you can imagine :) I am going to take your advice and change "deceased" to another descriptor, just as soon as I find the right one! Thank you for reading and being you.

always, eddy (& cat)

p.s.

how about "torpid" or "moribund"?

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.