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Ready for Heaven!

Submitted by Leslie on Sun, 2024-04-21 07:14

You can take it or leave it
a heaven or hell.
You're living in them now
as you can surely tell.
Believe in demons,
the devil as well!
Believe that Jesus saves
and that Adam fell?
We all make mistakes,
Judas Iscariot as well!
Our myopic perspectives
have caught us under a spell.
for did not God himself say
that ye are gods,
and the children of the most high?
divinity in embryo,
what do you think, can you tell?
As long as your willing
to push through the swell.
You're fit then for heaven
to eternally dwell!
There will always be contrast
wherever you dwell.
So cross yourselves quickly
and you will do well!

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words: 
This is strictly my own paradigmn, but if God is the man that I perceive him to be. He is no loser and intends on saving you and me. I personally don't see any exceptions. This is just what I beleive. Maybe what we believe God to be as a generality is a false notion or fable. In our own minds, can't we see that fear governs the minds of the people as far as most religion is concerned. Just live in this very moment, as often as you can in love and peace! You are then fit for heaven. There will always be suffering, no matter where you go in one form or another. If God didn't suffer for us we would have no one to turn to in time of need!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Sun, 2024-04-21 13:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, "Ready for Heaven!", employs a rhythmic, rhyming structure that aids in the conveyance of its central theme, which appears to be a contemplation of religious beliefs and human divinity. The poem uses a conversational tone, which makes it accessible to a broad audience.

However, the poem could benefit from a more rigorous exploration of its themes. The ideas presented are complex, involving notions of divinity, belief, and perspective, but they are only briefly touched upon. Expanding on these ideas could provide greater depth and resonance to the work.

The poem also contains a few typographical errors ("Beleive" instead of "Believe", "wrap" instead of "rap") that disrupt the flow and clarity of the poem. Correcting these would improve the overall quality of the piece.

The use of rhetorical questions ("what do you think, can you tell?") is effective in engaging the reader and prompting them to consider the themes of the poem. However, the final line ("You're ready for heaven to eternally dwell!") might benefit from a rephrase to better match the rhythm established in the preceding lines.

Lastly, the poem might benefit from more consistent punctuation. The use of punctuation is somewhat erratic, which can make the poem difficult to read. Establishing a consistent pattern of punctuation would enhance the poem's readability and flow.

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