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Promises

Promises

the gray of the
low hanging clouds
which seem to glower,
taking away
the moments
enchantment power.
as the late day's
sunlight fades,
and the playing children
stop all movement
listening.
as wistful tears
appear glistening
on cherub cheeks,
and the gentle rain
begins to patter
on window panes,
and rooftop peaks.
all movement ceases
as the darkness increases.
with heavy heart
we bid goodbye,
and part in sweet sorrow.
looking toward
the dawning
of the morrow
and the promises held within.

*

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I'm not usually a fan of rhyming poetry, but I like this one quite a bit C - well done! The imagery, and flow worked well, and captures the fading of the day, giving way to an oncoming evening rain very well.

My only crit is minor in that it may read better if you consider breaking this up into stanzas. Could just be a style thing for me, so just my opinion.

Best

Michael Anthony

I guess, the way it flows is part of my style. I feel that it would not read the same if I used stanzas for this particular poem. but I very much appreciate you for reading and making a suggestion. thank you so very much.

*hugs, Cat
-

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

All is good and in keeping with the theme and such.
Your title is good, but could be better; maybe something like
"What About Tomorrow?" the pacing is good and seems to dictate a
slower pace; [a little melancholy, if you will.]
~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

each poet is an emblem of emotion
each one has a mental notion
of being the most brilliant
you and I are free style symbols
lets be and remain as such
there is little difference as much
some say something something
just to appear sounding
see I advised

I have read over
how many poems since the last 4 decades
heaven knows
but not as I do so much

there are notional visions of poets
even blind ones
so I suggest you move on
as you are the cat
of your dominion
lol

I just found this on the facebook page. Very beautiful indeed. I love the simple words that paint such vivid imagery. My only issue is that the link didn't work and I had to search it here. The excerpt on FB really intrigued me and I'm happy I could find it here. Great work!

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

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