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The Price of My Sins

Submitted by Depressed 1 on Thu, 2023-09-07 01:58

I feel the pain dripping into my veins

Acid falling down like heavy rain

Darkness inside of me does flow

I must not ever let it show

You kick me out of your social reality

I will not contort to your normality

Frozen water, my heart turns into

Now, no love can ever get through

My brain on fire my heart is ice

My body of sin has paid the price

Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Thu, 2023-09-07 08:00

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: The Price of My Sins

Review:

The poem "The Price of My Sins" explores themes of pain, darkness, and isolation. The vivid imagery of acid falling like heavy rain and the contrast between a fiery brain and an icy heart create a sense of internal turmoil. The speaker's defiance against societal norms is also evident in the lines about not contorting to "normality."

One suggestion for improvement is to consider adding more specific details or concrete imagery to enhance the reader's understanding of the speaker's experience. For example, instead of simply stating that darkness flows inside the speaker, you could describe the nature of that darkness or how it affects their perception.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from further development of its central theme. Consider expanding on the idea of the "price" the speaker's body of sin has paid. What does this price entail? How does it manifest in their life? By delving deeper into these aspects, you can provide a more comprehensive exploration of the poem

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