Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Poisoned Units

Lips engulf the dark red cure
A new companion warms my heart
Conscience fades, no crave to be pure
Nothing left but constant flaw

A bitter soul, yet drowsy mind
Flesh that feels everything and nothing
A scornful tongue, yet lazy eyes
Detesting every bone but needing to be kind

Pluck that grin from under my skin
Drag out the needles that shredded me
Let me whither until I'm thin
My flesh no longer riddled nor sinned

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 


love it.especially that last stanza. the title is fitting.


I agree with alidzain, this is very good. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

PS, a Heartfelt welcome to Neopoet. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

I appreciate your comments and I'm glad you like the poem!

author comment

"let me wither til' im thin
my flesh no longer
riddled nor sinned"

only line changes i gather anything from
and its always your last lines i want to change
or alter

its all forensic behaviorism
on my part....

Locard's Principle..
movement and theory
anyway i enjoy your writing immensely

i like the whole feel of darkness to these
sleeping beauty or of Vampirism

i always thought of nautilises as hearts
the surf sound the beating of a voyage

thank you!

As usual I very much appreciate your comments, Esker! I do like the word change but I feel if I did that it may change the meaning slightly and perhaps the tense. I will consider it though as this poem definitely needs a few alterations.
Thank you very much!

author comment

i like the exchange in comments with your regards to your poetry..
polite concise and keeping your stand with the explanatory notes
testing my knowledge of working poetry....

alas i do not quite know what tense is ...

some people play music note by note
as in rachmaninoff whom played it note by
note carefully and over and over until it
was intuitive...much like any instrumentation
instruction....and some have an intuitive
feel for this

im fifty and am not anywhere near the capacity
of careful deliberation to your polish and presentation
and of course my suggestions are merely thus

i rare go back to correct much of my own work

perhaps is an open channel
a posture for consideration
in aliteration of word and thought

forgive my spelling
but i will indeed now check up on
tense in poetry

i need to cull much in thought
and mn own word assemblage
inb poems..

thank you for sharing your insight!

This is the first poem of yours I have read
I'm sort of a traditionalist, so the first thing I noticed was a reasonably consistent meter which fills my heart (regardless the tragic content).
I'll look in on your other posts. I hope they are not all unhappy.
This worked quite well, though I agree with Esker's suggestion.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program

If two have suggested the same then it seems I should definitely make a change. Thank you very much and I am afraid to say that my other poetry is mostly unhappy, but I do believe the best work comes from pain.

author comment

you have certainly added a flavor all your own here at Neopoet, the sadness is profoundly created through word usage...many exerts have already commented and its good to read from your response that you are willing to change based on merits of the suggestions..thanks for the post...we would like to read more of your posts here..


raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you very much I'm glad I can bring something different to this website!

author comment

the only thing not affected by the great deliberation
and distractions

i went and found the links here within the few days
and in re reading poetry and comment
i remember tense now

only after my long poem of which even i
dont comprehend
they are random and meaningful
ideology projections like the videos
of the sixties

the new theory the new production

past tense
pre tense
post tense

even in this order of memory
is a tell of thought process
a triangulation

even my spelling is coming

landscapes within
and landscapes without

the great vortex moving
at a span of a word
or world

marshal was right

a friend i have speaks of madness as reality
a university thesis of hers as a young adult

rising from the depths takes time
it cannot be rushed if the integrity of the hull
is not sound

soundings for river bottoms
for navigation
wavelength of energy
cast out and waited for rebounding

i suffered from depression
for years
crushed in depths
because i was afraid of the heights

your work i will re read now
as i most and must likely
sped past it but noticed it
enough to rework it

like someone would
re organize a book shelf
or position of an item

i see much
and i see nothing
a blindness

an illusion like magic
a land of holly
and looking glasses

angels and demons

my respite was and is

thank you!

magi i understand now
needing of need
pluck forth the spring
that shines
the dank surmise

fault lines
dipped low
and emergence
from an aquatic world

i dream of mermaid thought
the myths of creatures
my fear of the water
the cry of sadness the joy of song
luring those to the ruins
the fronds

i lived with sadness
or those with sadness
or pain
although it was not
an overwhelming
outward allowance
for them

their depth was their pain
that would not be freed
by emergence
they were in the tides
the buoyancy of their

perhaps that looking
glass was the surface
re invented
from the looking of
and into water
the ponds and fronds
the underworlds
of symbolism of reasoning


i listen to "samantha" by courtney love
i believe in people and objects containing
of or pertaining to spirits
i am faulted with fears
and habitual behaviour

it was not always that way


people emerge
walking on land
rising into heights

my last poem is
the ode to angels
our fairytales did not
include them
that i remember

no i dont believe in
i believe in purpose

its something
that emerges
from a great darkness
which may be descripted
as pain

perhaps ive walked
through my twin theory
and into the outward

the eyes seeing the pain
oif the world and others

i truly have had angels
in my life

they fell in love with the
mortals so that story says

and perphaps the mortals
loved them

i live moment by moment
even at my age
but now the exhultation
is in the breathing in
and out
the grounded sense

yes i understand

i hope my own poems
do not run on as my comments
im working on much
with little
but holding my own

neopoet is a zone
the no mans land
for me

before this it was lah lah land

i must sleep
four hours sleep
there are people dependent
on me for my travel
by foot in this city
my work
these poems maybe
and more from me
then riddles

thank you..

I changed the last line as you suggested! Thanks a lot and I very much enjoy your poetry and comments on mine.

author comment

revisiting today....melancholic
but we have a happy sky!

thank U!

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.