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The person with passion

Our eyes had
pranced upon the presence of a man
who gurgles up guilt
and spews out pain .
All the while his face
inflamed with passion.
Remains still painted
with those
immense primrose
patterns of fashion.

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

YAY! I think you're writing works better that way.

suggestions....
L2, use "chanced" instead of "pranced"
L6-7 drop the period, combine the lines somehow giving continuity with what is inflamed, or fashionable.

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Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

and spews out pain .
All the while his face
inflamed with (fashion) .use passion here
Remains still painted
with those
immense primrose
patterns of (passion)use fashions here
it makes more sense.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I sent you a private message.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you for your kindness.

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment
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