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Pathetic Fallacy

Submitted by alexplummer on Thu, 2023-06-15 06:30

The emotions of a situation mirrored by the weather.

In my thunderstorm that so hatefully grasps my throat, you are the strike of lightning that gives me adrenaline and the push to keep breathing for just one more second until it finally lets go.

In my pours of rain that almost drown me, and I can feel myself choke, you are the smell I love after the storm goes quiet and all there are is memories on the ground of what was.

In my cloudy mind your sun strikes through as if the fogginess was never once there. as if it has sunk from my head, through my body and to my feet, making me feel light and my heart full once more in a way that it had not felt even before the clouds.

you are the sunrise in the morning on a midsummers day that melts away all the frost from my face, you are the dichotomy to my mind that is pathetic fallacy.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Last few words: 
The interpretation of my poem is about a singular person who makes the negatives in life just that much easier to handle. However, if anyone interprets it differently to suit their experiences that is okay.
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
June 2023 New Member Contest
Content level: 
Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-06-15 12:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem with me. I appreciate the way you have used the literary device of pathetic fallacy to convey your emotions. The poem has a clear structure and each stanza describes a different emotional state.

I particularly like the metaphor of the strike of lightning giving you the push to keep breathing during a thunderstorm. It is a powerful image that conveys the idea of finding strength in difficult situations. The use of smell to describe the memories left behind after a storm is also effective in creating a vivid image in the reader's mind.

However, I would suggest paying attention to the punctuation and capitalization in the poem. There are a few places where it seems inconsistent, which can be distracting for the reader. Additionally, the line "you are the dichotomy to my mind that is pathetic fallacy" feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from further development or explanation.

Overall, your poem effectively uses pathetic fallacy to convey your emotions and creates strong imagery. With some attention to punctuation

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Thu, 2023-06-15 13:44

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metaphors here are not clear cut, as they are used to express emotional concepts and ideas.
Emotion is a hard thing to write about and although you succeed for the most part, when you try to explain some situations
it becomes a little muddled. I had some trouble with a few lines, but the one that gave the most difficulty is:
"you are the sunrise in the morning of a midsummer's day that melts away all the [ ] from my face, you are the dichotomy
to my mind that is pathetic fallacy. I believe what you are trying to say, is that you have imagined that this person to be your
savior, while they don't even know you exist? I think that with a little more thought about how to express these feelings clearly,
this poem would be very effective. I agree with our AI, that the metaphor of a lightning strike being the push to giving
you the push to resist and keep breathing, is very good. It reminds me of the machine they use to revive a person's heart after a heart attack.

Welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer.
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alexplummer

Fri, 2023-06-16 09:12

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thank you for this! this criticism is helpful. However, the interpretation of the final two lines is incorrect. The person I'm writing about is my partner and the aim is to convey how I feel that, yes he is my saviour in ways as he gives me a break from a harsh reality that I sometimes have to deal with due to my anxiety. The line "You are the dichotomy to my mind that is pathetic fallacy" Is that, in a metaphorical sense, he is pathetic fallacy in which he is calm, collecting and bright which equates to positive emotion. Whereas all the negative weather conditions I'm talking about is the negative thoughts that goes through my brain.
EDIT: i just noticed i had accidentally missed out on a word which may be where your confusion lay, apologies.

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2023-06-16 11:09

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of the word [frost] does add to the understanding of the line. Thank you for the interpretation. I get it now. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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