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Bombs

Submitted by alexplummer on Tue, 2023-06-27 15:27

Chaos. That is all I can call it.
The chaos of bodies
spread everywhere around the battlefield,
screams embodied with pain
and the breath of a dragon blinding the noble soldiers.
They are the ones standing today,
but who is the enemy?
Is it those who had fallen,
or the one who shed blood to protect his people?

Disaster. That is all I can call it.
The disaster of lost lives,
but at what cost?
At the cost of millions of kids finally being safe,
from the grasp of the men who wished to take advantage.
But who is the enemy?
The one covered in the other's blood, or the one covered in their own?

Unjust. That is what I call it.
for the people who meant well,
yet are endangered with memories, and horrors
of what they have done.
It was for the greater good.
So why are our heroes being punished,
with a lifetime of pain...
While the enemy is allowed the escape of death,
never understanding what pain they have caused.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-06-27 21:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Bombs" explores the themes of chaos, disaster, and injustice in the context of war and its consequences. The imagery used to depict the battlefield and its aftermath is vivid and evocative. The poem raises thought-provoking questions about the nature of the enemy and the cost of war.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider refining the structure and flow of the poem. Currently, the poem is written in a free verse style, which allows for flexibility in form and rhythm. However, some lines could benefit from tighter phrasing and more precise word choices to enhance the overall impact of the poem. Additionally, consider experimenting with line breaks and stanza breaks to create a more deliberate pacing and emphasis.

Furthermore, it would be helpful to provide more specific details or examples to support the ideas presented in the poem. For instance, describing specific scenes or experiences could help to further engage the reader and deepen their understanding of the themes explored.

Overall, "Bombs" is a thought-provoking

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