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Our Birth Is Our Curse
What tragedy. What monstrosity
Has granted to us this lifeless breath
We are the unwanted stars
Cast out of the skies and out of their eyes
Our beauty, they hindered
And in blazing speed, we burnt down
And like fallen embers, we cindered
Into stardust; zilch, like the dusts of the earth
Calamity; monstrous conception
Born we are into this vast emptiness
This world wild with nothingness
To relish and to witness
Our birth as a curse
Wild roses; poisonous beauties
We are grown in unwanted fields
Of solemn bleakness
Bounteous we spread for yield
But for the thorns that adorn us
Our beauty is our curse
Bleeding white roses;
Bleeding beauties
With poisonous doses
Our beauty sure is our curse.
We walk on night’s edge
We stride the day’s razors
With no clue of why
What misfortune. What hideous malice
There gifts us this poisoned chalice
Nature bore us and damned us
Our birth is our punishment
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
loved
Fri, 2012-01-27 08:38
This being the maiden poem,
I dared to read
Permit me to intercede,
If you will...
There is no curse,
Its only man made
By a dose of light color
Even poisonous snake's venom is medicine,
And the beauty of nature
Needs to be perceived,
As its own presentation,
Take it not to be a curse.
If twas,
Would there be a Martin Luther King?
loved
WonderGolly
Fri, 2012-01-27 09:29
thanks
must admit, I like your response to my piece.
guess, nature has purpose for ever piece it creates.
the crookedness of life inspired the writing of this piece.
thanks again.
respects.
WonderGolly
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentChina Blue
Fri, 2012-01-27 09:29
Hello
we burnt adown?
not quite sure what is meant here
perhaps just a typo
Your poem is filled with anger which comes through clearly.
welcome new poet to Neo Poet
Chrys
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
WonderGolly
Fri, 2012-01-27 09:49
hi Chrys
thanks for dropping by to read this piece. I appreciate it.
"adown" is typo for "down / downward". might have escaped me. would correct it.
this piece sure highlights pain, anger, frustration and one not finding purpose and meaning to life.
respects
WonderGolly
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentIan.T
Fri, 2012-01-27 10:10
Wonder
This is a piece of un-quiet hate for things that have just evolved, I have travelled in quite a few places and have many friends in lots of countries, accident of birth springs to mind.
There is a book out some place called I think
"The Lotus Blossom" it depicts a story of how the Eastern people were the rulers and the whole system was turned around, as I said an accident of birth.
We will never know how things are in a parallel universe that could be so changed, meanwhile we have to put up with the things as they are here.
A very good write, I believe that no matter who you are it is what you are that counts.
Would like to know your name, as it is better for when we talk, we have Iboro Offong in Nigeria his Neo handle is
t ref didn't like calling him that.
You take care and I look forward to your writing,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
WonderGolly
Fri, 2012-01-27 10:42
Ian T
lovely interpretation there to this piece. must admit that reading it has breath meaning into my life as well.
sometimes, due to certain unfortunate negative elements, we view our existence as an accident of birth. A bit, perhaps hugely unfair to the nature that bore us. But as we wander through life and seem not to be finding any purpose or sense of direction, life kind of seem meaningless. that's when pain, depression, frustration, needless stupidity and in worst case scenario suicide come to play.
guess we have to accept life as it is. "when life gives you lemon, make lemonade."
::::
poem aside: my name is Golly Kwame Wonder. So, WonderGolly is still the real me. lolz..
respects.
WonderGolly
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentIan.T
Fri, 2012-01-27 11:11
Kwame
If you wont mind me calling you that, I spent about 12 years in Africa working on Helicopters and at another time radio stations for military use.
Many a time I had to go to the village tree to ask if the lads wanted to work for a few hours or more, I found myself outside of the normal run of the mill there, as my way of treating people is as a person no matter what or where they came from.
I have many friends of all Peoples (Races) to me they are as shell that holds a Spirit and it is that Spirit that I try to talk to.
I love the way I was treated by all I met in many countries and I hope it stays that way.
Life is not easy, and for some it becomes too much and they lose sight of what they really are as they are brainwashed by the system to think and act otherwise.
You just keep writing and learning, there is a lovely world out there that will hold you, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
WonderGolly
Fri, 2012-01-27 12:02
nice....
to be able to look beyond a man's physical nature and speak to his soul/spirit is the greatest gift of friendship. it is that simple act of kindness that we lack in our societies these days . thanks to God that there are still some free kind folks around. blessings.
WonderGolly :)
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentEsker
Fri, 2012-01-27 12:32
I think of Syria and Egypt
And WonderGolly only because of CBC our media contact here
in Canada Ontario in my City North Bay
I grew up with news reports from Africa
movies songs BIKO by Gabriel (then later movie)
etc There is a white rapper and a white girl from
south africa too who do rather interesting videos
"Evil Boi" was one creative rather then ultruistic
political.. I was born on a native reserve and
went back years later....isolated and doled out goverment
help many turn to drugs and alcohol and even on our
rather better off reserve many commit suicide
(I think of Terry Joe an athletic and intellectual whom
I interacted with much when I was there for a season
whom jumped off a rock into the oncoming path of a speeding
freight train..He was eighteen)
We were raised not to be impartial to other people
that we are all human..my great joy is that I have many
freinds of cultures now but I did question
my own beginnings as I was adopted
and then shunned by society for being different
half breed my way of looking at the world etc
Would I hide away in times of need and opression
or would I rise up and give my life trying to at
least say something for an ideal?
Ann Franks was hid away and yet her book inspires
many today Martin Luther King carefully took
his route and was slew by the belief of one totality
belief system
every one who writes contributes something
everyone who marchs and buys and reads the words
of the opressed keep those hopes alive
I remember Terry Joe
his youth his spark
and I relate to his
frustration too
this is a good poem
and better to have written
it then hold it inside
Share feelings
and ignite feelings
that is hope
WonderGolly
Sat, 2012-01-28 04:31
Esker,,,,
I read your words since yesterday and I am still tongue-tied. it touches every piece of me. I too believe in my heart that there is hope that we'll wake to a brighter day someday and our simple way of keeping that hope alive is the simple words we put together into poems that evokes our innermost feels; pain, loneliness, a sense of belonging and acceptance for who we're, etc. Our words are the voice of the countless voiceless yearning to heard amid the turmoil and hassle of this life.
I share in your final words:
".....better to have written
it then hold it inside
Share feelings
and ignite feelings
that is hope...."
respects.
WonderGolly
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2012-01-29 08:44
After reading such...
lofty thoughts and ideas, I was tempted to slink away unoticed, but I thought that maybe you were speaking of alien intervention in human life on this planet. The referrals to stars made me feel you were describing the ancient gods.
" We are the stars cast out of the skies and their eyes, our beauty they hindered and in blazing speed we burnt down.
"And like fallen embers we cindered, and like stardust; zilch, like the dusts of the earth"
I guess one can make anything one wants of another's work, heh?
~ Geezer
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
WonderGolly
Sun, 2012-01-29 10:21
Geezer,,,
thank you very much for the read.
*one sure can make anything one wants of another's work. lolz
respects.
WonderGolly :)
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
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