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Ode To My Father

Submitted by Mr joghe on Sat, 2023-06-03 09:26

You're the magnificent mirror of my life,
That portrayed my weakness
The prognosis of future I have revealed
Like the crescent in the beginning;
Later grew yonder and tender,
Like a shade of the heart's shield.
Not today, I've become your fingerprint,
Or your advocate, but seeing me as
A binding fine art of your sword;
The excellent sword of your mouth
Raised me up to the sky,
More and more, I'm moving from one sky to another
It carved my mind and craved my heart.
The warlord of my battle;
An antidote of my flaw,
The shower of my tilled land,
That made my path straight with his proverbial wisdom;
Thanks for your brave action,
The secret of my living
Always live in my heart.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

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Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

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Ode To My Father

Content level:

Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-06-03 15:30

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem "Ode To My Father". Your use of metaphor and imagery is quite effective in conveying the depth of your relationship with your father. The poem is well-structured and flows smoothly, making it easy to follow your train of thought.

One suggestion I have is to consider varying the length of your lines to add more emphasis to certain phrases or ideas. For example, the line "More and more, I'm moving from one sky to another" could be broken into two lines to create a pause and draw attention to the idea of progression.

Another suggestion is to be mindful of your use of cliches and common phrases, such as "the warlord of my battle" and "the shower of my tilled land". While these phrases may convey your intended meaning, they can also detract from the originality and impact of your poem.

Overall, your poem is a heartfelt tribute to your father and effectively conveys the impact he has had on your life. Keep up

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Sen99

Wed, 2023-07-05 04:50