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OCH! (for Obi)
I cannae believe it
Just look at THAT!
There's blood in the cludgie
Where I just shat.
Och! boggin hell!
What stench! I swoon
I ken I'm fell
n' dyin' soon
It stappit me rump
It maimed me hole
That bloody clump
Half-filled the bowl
Good-bye cruel world!
I bet you'll laugh
When these pipes skirl
My epitaph!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
I was going to tack this onto the replies for the poem by Obadiah Grey "as of late", but hope he gets the inside joke, too.
Cheers Obi!
Thomas
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Lake Simcoe Canada
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Poe, Frost, E.B. Browning, Theodor Seuss Geisel
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-01-08 14:53
hello Thomas,
I am sure he will get a big kick from reading this! (I know I did!)
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Obadiah Grey
Sun, 2023-01-08 18:35
Rabbi Burns would be proud of
Rabbi Burns would be proud of ye, Thomas.
And move over McGonagall there's a new guy in town !!
Oh god bless ya, your little ditty gave me a belly laugh and that was much appreciated.
"Poetic poultice fer a bleedin arse."
Take this salve-
this balm-
this unction,
apply 'round valve
and up yer junction.
refrigerate and best
kept cool to thicken
up bloody water stool.
please don't fret
and do not fear
'tis but poetic -
Diarrhea !
Cheers, Thomas....... Obi.
Seren
Mon, 2023-01-09 14:39
Dear Triskelion
I really love this one!! I cannae change a word ;)
Nice to meet you
Sincerely Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Triskelion
Wed, 2023-01-11 02:20
Thanks guys
Is it just me, or is this site being over-run with AI bots and cricket poets?
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
author commentObadiah Grey
Wed, 2023-01-11 12:24
cricket poets??????Obi.
"cricket poets", is that reference to rhyming couplets ??
Obi.
Triskelion
Wed, 2023-01-11 13:06
Lol
Sometimes, when you comment on a poem, all you get back is "crickets". Makes me think it's just a BOT submitting the work....like the emails you get that you can't respond to.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
author commentRuby Lord
Fri, 2023-04-21 14:00
This is a thought proking
This is a thought proking ditty, possibly to be used while sitting on the bog. I'm sure timing is everything, and if possible maybe a rat a tat tat bullet reign on release would compliment the rhyming structure, no end :)
Commenting on poetry builds community, confidence, and comprehension. :)
Triskelion
Sat, 2023-04-22 13:52
Hi Ruby
Thanks for reading and your comment. All just in pure fun!
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
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