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The day began with
The bang of the door
Which flowed like musical notes into my ears.
The delightful aroma of tea
Tapped me on the shoulder and called,
Then the smell of bouquet
Made me keen to awake.
As I stretched,
I felt a tickle like a butterfly
Alight on my nose and then trail
down to my chin; and so I woke up.

The man with numbers and alphabets
Drew my eyes closer to him
Reporting today's activity.
She had used the whole year
To prepare for this day.

Arriving at the arena of sand,
The water waved at us
Dancing back and forth
Hypnotizing her to join. She fell for it
Like a bottle falling from the edge of a table.

As she tiptoed to the water,
Her legs were scorched whilst
The arena of sand open its mouth
Sucking part of her leg
Like a baby with a feeder.

As soon as her legs got in,
She gave the water a heavy slap
Causing it to splash
The she traced my eyes with hers
And sent a butterfly to my lips.

With time being far spent,
I sent a static message to her ears
And she got out of the water.
She was walking towards me like a lion,
Then stopped and raised a finger
Running back to the water, giving it one last slap.
Immediately she slapped it,
Grrrr! The water shouted
And dashed her a wavy slap
Which sucked her in and covered her.

I couldn't believe my eyes.
Her name flowed out of my mouth slowly then it increased like a television.
I jumped in and searched for her but she was no where.
I stayed at the beach ever since, hoping the water will forgive her
And bring her back to me.

Copyright©styles goodluck

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


the man with the numbers and the alphabets? I'm thinking that it is the T.V. but if it is, I think you could do better in those lines. Static message to her ears? You mean like a message filled with static?
~ Geezer.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

The man with numbers and alphabets; calendar.
Sent a static message to her ears; I called her and told her it's time to go home.

author comment

I get it now.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

Okay. Thanks!

author comment
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