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Neopoet Challenge #17 I Turned Into A Savage

Neopoet Challenge #17 (topic 4)
I Turned Into A Savage

I turned into a savage...
yes, every time
they spoke ill of you
every time they did malign,
it broke my heart
you were not there
to defend yourself.
I felt a poor second
at best but...
it was only me there
to hold up your good name.
a fourteen year old
with ears still wet
making possible the battle.
how young I was back then,
I couldn't know
those words would
roll right off your back.
words they used to hurt me.
how very hard I fought them...
I should have laughed at them instead,
taking the power out of their reach!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Excellent write CW! I really appreciate that you mention favorite lines with your feedback on other's poems, so I'll pilfer your approach here. I REALLY liked this part, a brilliant affirmation within your poem - so good!:

words they used to hurt me.
how very hard I fought them...
I should have laughed at them instead,
taking the power out of their reach!

Cheers

Michael Anthony

thank you for reading and responding! it gives me great pleasure to have someone quote back to me lines to my poems. I figured it would be a good thing to do, yes? it is also a sharing of the writer and the reader and makes a connection. Steve tells me that sometimes, I put my sentences together backwards... and I enjoyed making that connection with you! thank you so very much!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Hi Candlewitch a beautiful read. I enjoyed it. I must say you brought across the savage so profoundly in the poem, it was very well captured in all its realness when you said "it broke your heart when you were not there."

The last two lines resonated with me as well " should have laughed at them instead, taking the power out of their reach!.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

thank you for telling me what resonated with you, I appreciate it. the lines you picked out were most important. I took on my mother, two older sisters and their husbands. they verbally attacked my father. getting me very up set, then physically attacking me and holding me down to put a thorazine pill in my mouth and making me swallow. it was strong and went to work within 5 minutes, knocking me out cold. they wanted me to tell my Dad so it would hurt him. but I only told him what they said, leaving all the rest of it out. much later I told him. the look in his eyes was a combination of rage and love, I didn't think that possible!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Hi Candlewitch wow you really had an ordeal within your family home. Thank you for sharing this intimate event. You are a great writer, all of you'll and so I am learning a lot.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

of a savage, young, fourteen year old. I do believe the those teen years are very close to the primitive, state of savagery. We defend those and that which is ours, with the primitive strength and agility of an animal. But that's what it takes sometimes, to make others understand the love of us for another. Best job of savagery I've seen in a while. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

for your response. it is comforting and uplifting. I'm glad you understand 14 year olds! I was a tiger, lol. see my response to Warrior Princess above.

hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

at one time, believe it or not! I remember defending my mother from her second husband who abused her before they married.
I walked into the bar he was sitting in and swung a baseball bat at him and someone grabbed it from me before I could hit him! I yelled in his face that if he ever hit my mother again, I would beat the shit out of him! [He never hit her again, that I know of]. I was about 100 lbs. soaking-wet with both pockets full of rocks, and he was a least 200 lbs. he just sat there and never said a word. Hugs back, me and the boys.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

you done great! (i beat you by about 5 lbs.) I would have loved to have seen that. too bad someone grabbed the bat! some guys think it is okay to hit a woman. they need to be taught respect, which you did! my dad told me to never hit my mother, so I just punched holes in the wall...right by her head!!! thanks for the story, I enjoyed it...I think it would make fr a good poem, any style...are you up for it???

Love, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I might do one about my father and him. I don't know. It's not at the top of my list right now. Thanks for suggesting.~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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