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Neopoet Challenge #13 The Last Time I Was Lost

Submitted by Candlewitch on Mon, 2022-03-28 09:09

Neopoet challenge #13
The Last Time I was Lost

it's a heart ache
with so much gone
it makes your heart break
I just cannot take it.
could not fake it if I tried

I am lost, so lost
won't you come find me
like the last time
I simply slipped away
out in the cold and frost?

I don't know why
I do this thing
its not as If I didn't try
to stay here, near you
but the pull is irresistible.

I don't mean to wander
I don't mean to roam
I don't want to squander
this gift of your love
it is true, in my mind
I am confused and lost.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Random Challenge # 13
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2022-03-28 10:06

Geezer's picture
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rewrite this whole piece, or did I simply forget to comment? I thought that I had made reference to someone who has Alzheimer's, and we discussed our relatives being in Geriatrics. Maybe I'm losing what little of my mind remains? ~ Geez.
.

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Candlewitch

Mon, 2022-03-28 15:45

Candlewitch's picture
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you are not losing your mind...I had to reenter it to get it on the list (for mark) because the first time I didn't use the pull down tab(to choose challenge #13) sorry to mess you up.

*hugs, Cat

p.s
I have a few loose and scrambled marbles myself ;)

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author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2022-03-29 00:47

Geezer's picture
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I thought I was being precognitive or something. LoL. hugs, from the boys, Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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