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My Immortal

She seemed serene in her sacred shroud,
pristine and pure, like a snow-capped cloud.
But when I took a pensive peek
beneath the cloth that hid her cheek

she glared at me with her goldfish eyes;
her face, now grey as the winter skies.
I groaned with grief, then wept out loud.
My son, in haste, drew back the shroud.

Then, he clothed my sweet and scented rose
(same girl who had struck a goddess pose)
with sheet, to hide her skin of steel.
At feet - now clay - I went to kneel.

And I thought of her that summer’s day
before they had stole her soul away.
Immortal then, a princess proud,
as pure and white as snow-capped cloud.

Review Request (Direction): 
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Last few words: 
these lines represent a morbid fear that my beautiful wife will die before me...
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Not Explicit Content

Comments

We read a piece of mythology, Greek I believe. Actually it was more like a fable. The gist here was some being or god or demigod is traveling in human form. Old, haggard, diseased, poor, destitute. She asks many people for help who make a mockery of her appearance and apparent poor luck. Eventually she comes to the modest home of a husband and wife who are older and pretty far along in life. They’re also fairly poor but they’re surviving for the most part. This couple doesn’t turn this person away. They provide her with every comfort they have to give and they do it unquestioningly and without compulsion.

Later the traveler reveals herself to them in her true form. She explains how everyone else turned her away and belittled her and offers them a wish to be granted for their charity and their compassion.

They could have been the richest people in the world with one sentence but they asked for something else instead. Their wish was to live exactly as they always had, together, poor, in love, bonded, but…when the time came and sickness or old age took one; they asked that the other should die as well so that neither of them might have to spend time without the other. It stands today as one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read.

All of these memories came rushing in when I read your last words up there. I’m with you here. I can’t be without her. I don’t want to know what it feels like if she is gone forever. I just can’t.

Tim

Many thanks, Tim for that beautiful story. Thank you for your continued support and feedback.

KBloor

author comment

a lovely poem, sad but still lovely. I'm like Tim in that I don't/can't live without Steven, my soulmate. keep writing, I love your poetry!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thanks you, C.

KBloor

author comment

Sigh, those end lines are gorgeous.

This,

And I thought of her that summer’s day
before they had stole her soul away.
Immortal then, a princess proud,
as pure and white as snow-capped cloud.

This is my favourite so far of all your works that I've read.

I cant critique this it is just, Mind-blowingly beautiful.

*Bookmarked*

hugs Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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