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my colors by: eddy styx

Emotions In Colors

yellow:
color of the bright moon
casting shadows
where I hide my intentions.

grey:
still too much light
for my tastes, just not right,
much time spent in waiting.

silver:
laughter turned to a scream,
no way out from this
she wishes it all a dream.

red:
are her dress and hair
her fate is evident
in her unholy despair

black:
like a new moon I rise,
to hunt and kill
as she slowly dies!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
thanks Gee!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

your language use equally so. Shivers to these lines: "Silver, laughter turned to a scream"

. " in shadows in which hide I intentions."
[Actually, I would change this line to: where I hide my intentions].
Ahhhh, good old eddy; up to his tricks I see. Nice job! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I appreciate you catching my mistake. thanks for the suggestion. good luck on the contest.

ever, eddy

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I love the flow of this poem. And I love how you accosted colors with emotions. This is really good. Thanks for sharing.

Love and light. Namaste.

thanks for the read and the response!

ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

may scan mine drafted

good idea!

ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Beautiful composition. I love the way you presented your poetic devices in the poem.

Apt and very interesting verse!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

you should write one, too, and enter the contest!

ever, eddy styx

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I will definitely compose.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Sis,

I couldn't wait to get my teeth into an Eddy piece.

I am sitting here satisfied in the delicious sinister approach this poem takes.

Your words put us in the shoes of Eddy, we feel, smell, taste, hear & see how he does...it is not a pleasant feeling but somehow I feel at home there.

regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

that is because you have such great versatility and in abundance! you have extraordinary imagination to slip you into any situation and run with it!!!

ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I like the changes you made, but I think that the last line of the first stanza,
needs to have the full word [hidden] written out. Since that part of the poem is not in rhyme,
it doesn't change the meaning or the meter and it sounds better. Hugs, Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I'll tale care of it now.

ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Excellent weaving of beautiful lines...
Giving different thoughts in colors!

Thanks for sharing Cat!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

that poem was my male alter ego's poem (eddy styx) but thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

thanks Jack!

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

You are welcome

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

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