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MOTIVATIONS OF PERSONALITIES
Dreamers dream
In hopes that they will
Come true.
Schemers scheme
In hopes that they will
Manipulate.
Seekers seek
In hopes that they will
Find.
Gamblers gamble
In hopes that they will
Win
Thinkers think
In hopes that they will
Discover.
Cheaters cheat
In hopes that they will
Prosper.
Writers write
In hopes that they will
Reveal themselves.
Painters paint
In hopes that they will
give vision.
Liars lie
In hopes that they will
Remain hidden.
Cowards cower
In hopes that they will
Survive.
Parents parent
In hopes that they will
Be immortal.
Lovers love
In hopes that they will
Be completed.
Believers believe
In hopes that they will
Receive.
Deceivers deceive
In hopes that they will
Control.
Teachers teach
In hopes that they will
Inspire.
Learners learn
In hopes that they will
Understand.
Yearners yearn
In hopes that they will
Improve.
Why do you do
The things that you
Do?
Comments
Bryan
Fri, 2012-05-18 00:18
Thanks for the welcome Mark
Good comment. I will be thinking about the last stanza.
Bryan
China Blue
Thu, 2012-05-17 22:09
Bryan
welcome fellow writer. simple answer for the love of it
I was just a bit put off by the repetition of it all
but that just might be your style
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Bryan
Fri, 2012-05-18 00:15
good comment
Can you tell me which of the stanzas work for you and which do not? How long would be a good length? I do use repetition sometimes but it does not define me -just another tool. Thanks for your insight.
Bryan
China Blue
Fri, 2012-05-18 09:09
Bryan
6,7, and 8 work
guess I'm not the biggest fan of repetition then lol
Chrys
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
judyanne
Fri, 2012-05-18 09:45
hi bryan
welcome to the site
and thank you for sharing your write with us
I like the idea, it just needs work. my suggestion is to cull a lot of those stanzas that don’t really say anything new, and work on a few, combining them as I have shown in my example here
dreamers dream and scheme
with desire to
manipulate
thinkers think and write
In hope they will
reveal discovery
lovers love and believe
aspiring to
receive completion
these are just examples to show you what I mean… you would be better to try and say something that people may not have thought of –
also, repetition is boring if it is not used for a reason… you can say the same thing in many ways…
hope this is of help
love judy
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Bryan
Fri, 2012-05-18 21:41
thanks for the suggestions
I appreciate your effort.
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-05-18 10:58
Hello Bryan,
I'm glad to see that your work has been found so soon after posting. Again, welcome to the neopoet site! I like the subject mater you have chosen to write of. I think the title could be pared down to just; Motivations andreduced to a single capitalization of the first letter of the word, as otherwise it feels like shouting.
Suggestions: With these lines:
Dreamers dream
In hopes that they will
Come true.
it might read smoother to say:
Dreamers dream
In hopes that their
Dreams come true
and I think you could drop the last stanza, ending the poem with these lines:
Yearners yearn
In hopes that they will
Improve.
I very much liked the tone and flow of this piece!
I hope I have been of help to you.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
weirdelf
Fri, 2012-05-18 21:59
goodness gracious me! Judyanne gives great crit!
I feel redundant.
I like the concept, endorse Judyanne suggestions and also dislike the question ending.
Writers write
In hopes that they will
Reveal themselves. [really? I don't, my motivation varies]
If you could come up with a more punchy ending it would really make this poem.
cheers,
Jess
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