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Moon Moods (by: eddy styx)

Moon Moods (by: eddy styx)

I never liked the moon, you see
too much light, just not right for me.
the full moon reflects a patch of light
ever so painful to my eyes this night,
shining there with all its might.

oh, I never liked the moon, you know
the full moon drenches all below
makes my footsteps cautious and slow
makes my headache throb so loud
as if my head were in a thunderous cloud.

I never liked the moon so full
as I seek the shadows narrow and deep
among the shadows I don't have to crawl or creep.
for I play a game of hunt and seek
to find a maiden unaware and meek.

ah! under the moon, the black clouds gather!
on a park bench, I hear two maids blather
gossiping in the cool of the chilly night
I eagerly wait for them to part, the time is right
under the dark moon, spying my quarry, I tense and strike!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

If I were you, I would choose an other word, besides [dreary].
you describe the full moon as being too bright!
Dreary means pallid, plain, banal, and all kinds of dreary stuff.
You could use [painful, bright, hard on, etc.] but not dreary!
I also wouldn't use [robust] night, maybe something like [frosty,
black ink]... other than that, you set a scene for butchery!
Nice! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

really like the atmosphere this creates. I do agree with Gee about the word "dreary" but other than that this poem sits perfectly well with me & I also dislike the moon or alien spaceship that controls us!! (that's for another time).

A full moon is not for the liking of an eddy needing the darkness to stalk.

regards

One.

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

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