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Me or love

Submitted by Trouble on Mon, 2023-03-27 20:02

Love can consume
Everything
The logic of love has no rule
But the pain of love
Sometimes makes you choose
Physical strength
Is what a coward would use as they beat
Against the pain
A love they might lose
So the only option
Is to tell the truth
Words of love
Are the only thing they can use
Surrendering Everything
They understand that love has no rule
If to give up
What would they lose
Because there were days of love
That the pain had no room
They wondered without the pain could love be true
Concluding love has pain
And the choice has always been the reality
Is there a life between
Me and you

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-03-27 20:02

neopoet's picture
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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Me or Love" explores the all-consuming nature of love and the difficult choices it can force upon us. The language is simple and straightforward, with a focus on conveying a clear message rather than complex metaphors or imagery. The theme of pain is particularly prominent, with the speaker acknowledging that love can come with a heavy cost.

One notable flaw in the poem is the lack of variation in sentence structure. Most lines follow a similar pattern of subject-verb-object, which can become monotonous and repetitive. One possible line edit to address this issue would be to add some variation in the phrasing, such as in the line "Physical strength / Is what a coward would use as they beat." Changing this to "As they beat, physical strength becomes the refuge of cowards" adds some variety in sentence structure while also introducing a more vivid image.

Overall, "Me or Love" is a straightforward and heartfelt exploration of the pain and complexity of love. While it could benefit from some additional nuance and variety in language, its message is clear and relatable.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Johnnie

Tue, 2023-03-28 12:17

Johnnie's picture

I like it and is there a message here in this poem
Well done.

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