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Marking Time part #2

Marking Time part #2

his grandmother had passed
he inherited the house
three floors and a *ghost
not quite quiet as a mouse.

he rented a couple of rooms out
two good friends in school
Terry and Charlie by name
neither of them fools

she was an enigma
or so he said,
this he learned from
long conversations in bed.

his book referral was "Lolita"
he felt a kinship to Humbert's plight,
an emotional roller coaster
when she was not in his sight.

poetry for him was Rod Mc Kuen
where for her, none could replace E.A. Poe
what she wrote was beyond him
dealing with emotions deeply flow.

on an invite from his mother
to Pensacola Florida he went,
single and happy for a week or two
his days felt heaven sent.

Terry phoned him asking
"if you don't mind I'll date
this girl, she is really deep and cool!"
so ended the question and debate!

an English Lit. major, Terry was
spending his free time with the miss
discussing books and poems, (even hers)
both in a state of exquisite bliss

he, never noticing her youth
she was a stimulant to him
arousing his passion for life
she animated his vigor and vim.

Jerry stewed over this girl possibly
slipping his grip, sliding away,
he phoned the girls mother, pleading his case
"send her to me, this very day!"

"why should I do this sudden thing?"
mom asked, she not wanting to deal
with the her least favorite daughter,
"marry her, I will, hear me this offer is real"

before the lass could even blink
she was packed up and airline sent,
to he who anxiously awaited
his first love, to him she went.


Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
* ghost explained in another poem.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


that certainly explains a lot! I guess that the "Lass" was happy at this turn of events? Least favored daughter huh?
I think that no matter how the daughter felt about Mother, it was a hurt to be treated like a cast-off shoe or something to be rid of. Nice portrayal of a tiresome relationship. I get the title now. Your language is good, internal logic and the pacing of the theme, great. I like it! ~ Geez.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

"least favorite daughter," had been on her own since age sixteen, now seventeen(kicked out of the house) mother feared daughters condition (she was wrong) under age and threatened with a home for delinquency daughter went where sent. but she loved Jerry so it wasn't so hard. thanks for reading, Geez, I appreciate your critique and comments.

mother was threatening to (with my two sister ugly(s) have her father committed to a psych institution and wanted her signature on commitment papers (mother told to stuff it where the sun don't shine), so she partly went as a bargain to leave dad alone.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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