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lovesick lines
I ponder, as rain on my window pane
slides down like the tears
we shed for the years
we let slip away
when we could not stay,
together.
I think and I feel, like when we would kneel
at the altar rail
till our faith grew stale
and our love took flight
in December’s blight,
bad weather.
I muse in my mind, on the gods unkind
who tore us in two
(slew love that was true)
when we, by the stream,
lay down there to dream,
on heather.
I grieve for the past; as long as I last.
I’ll visit you there
down dells of despair
where we reached the end of
our tether.
I breathe and I live, but cannot forgive
our cruel, callous crime
that robbed us of time:
a lifetime of being,
together.
Review Request (Intensity):
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Review Request (Direction):
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How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Last few words:
lovesick lines composed on a rainy day...
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-02-12 06:29
dear Blue,
a lovely, but sad poem. I very much like the style. can you tell me what is the form called? your poem flows very well. I like the simple and descriptive title! thanks for sharing!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Blue-eyed Bolla
Sun, 2023-02-12 09:53
It's some form of sestain,
It's some form of sestain, think I got from one of Wordsworth's. Many thanks for your feedback and kind comments.
KBloor
Candlewitch
Mon, 2023-02-13 12:10
thank you!
I shall look it up.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Blue-eyed Bolla
Sun, 2023-02-12 10:34
lovesick
Many thanks, Ekaterina. Glad you enjoyed my poor little rhymes.
KBloor
Geezer
Sun, 2023-02-12 09:35
I enjoyed...
both the story and the form. Very nicely done! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Blue-eyed Bolla
Sun, 2023-02-12 10:35
lovesick
Thank you, Geezer, for taking the time to read and feedback on my poor little rhymes.
KBloor
Rosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2023-02-12 18:37
Wow
I’m very impressed. The pattern is so interesting and executed flawlessly.
Tim
Blue-eyed Bolla
Mon, 2023-02-13 11:40
lovesick...
Thanks you, Tim. I appreciate your comments and feedback.
KBloor