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The Letter
I’ll listen no longer in silence
but speak by such means as I may.
You pierce my soul as I listen
so Ill write now all I might say.
Half agony, half hope am I,
for you alone I think and plan.
For you I live, for you I'd die,
have you not seen this, dearest Anne?
Weak and resentful this is true,
unjust and foolish as you've seen;
but I have loved no one but you,
inconstant I have never been.
Could I have seen within your heart,
as I am sure you fathom mine,
should we have been so long apart?
Eight years alone upon the brine.
So tell me I am not too late,
such feelings aren’t gone forever.
I go uncertain of my fate;
yours to be, this night or never.
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United Kingdom (Scotland)
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Robert Burns, Robert Lewis Stevenson, Kipling., I like things childish.
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Comments
jane210660
Tue, 2017-05-02 12:25
Hi Keith
A beautiful poem.
One suggestion I could make, on the last two lines of the second stanza, you might consider
'for I have loved no one but you
steadfast and loyal I have always been.'
Obviously just my little two penny worth.
Jx
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Keith Logan
Tue, 2017-05-02 13:07
Hi Jane
The line you mention is a direct quote from the letter and as such must stand, in fact the word inconstant is of primary importance. Thanks for taking the time to consider this work and yes, your suggestion is a good one.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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author commentCristiano Williams
Tue, 2017-05-02 12:33
Nice piece dear but couldn't
Nice piece dear but couldn't get clearly the last line. 'Inconsistent' or 'Inconstant'?
Cristiano Williams
Tue, 2017-05-02 12:35
Sorry for my initial comment
Sorry for my initial comment but I was commenting on the Last line of the second stanza.
Keith Logan
Tue, 2017-05-02 13:13
I knew
which line you meant. Although there are some similarities to the meanings of inconsistent and inconstant, the latter is specifically what is meant. He has never swerved from his devotion to her.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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author commentscribbler
Tue, 2017-05-02 12:49
Hello
Any particular reason you didn't continue with four line stanzas? Just curious.Stanza 3,line 6. It seems the aren't would read smoother as are not.Also "seen " and "Been"..... there's a phrase for using words which are spelled similarly but don't rhyme. I don't remember it but think it seldom works as well as actually rhyming. perhaps you could work on that. but i enjoyed the read nonetheless.............stan
Keith Logan
Tue, 2017-05-02 13:43
Voices
evidently don't travel well. To me, the rhythm seems smoother as I wrote the piece. Also, in the UK seen and been are perfect rhymes, both being pronounced exactly as they are written.
Forgot to comment on the stanza breaks. I have tried to keep sense of each section separated.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
author commentjane210660
Tue, 2017-05-02 15:02
I concur
In English English if that makes sense, seen and been are perfect full rhymes.
One other word which stands out to me, is 'go' in the line
'I go uncertain of my fate'
Could you use 'am' instead of go? Just a thought, don't want to turn it into a poem it isn't meant to be. Jx
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Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
Keith Logan
Tue, 2017-05-02 16:32
Again it is in the meaning
He is headed out to meet her so that is why he goes uncertain of what that meeting will bring.
Keith Logan
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author commentKeith Logan
Tue, 2017-05-02 16:36
Thank you Audri
For your appreciation, hopefully that will continue when the background story is revealed.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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author commentKeith Logan
Sun, 2017-05-14 19:34
The background
This is a scene from Jane Austen's book, Persuasion. Captain Wentworth has been in love with Anne for the eight years they have been apart. She has always loved him but he was never fully sure of that as she allowed herself to be persuaded to give him up. She only did that because she knew he could make his way in the world more effectively without having her to tie him down.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
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