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It Don't Come Easy

Submitted by chevyvent on Wed, 2017-03-01 15:06

A field of dreams falling apart at the seams
today I sought a peace between two worlds
From the one I knew
then to the one I wish to know

cobwebs etched into my fragmentary brain
A touch at a glance of a beckoning call
Light illumination
hope springs fresh

One seeks solace from nature's glory

To savor each moment with both family & friend
The eclipse of the sun has tainted my inner vision
A sparkling array of blissful care
love shot an arrow to the center of my heart

This shall light a spark to where I need to go
through the lens of a spectator at a baseball game
We traveled so far not to turn back now
Life is full of beautiful interludes

in the game of life your time is very brief
Time to turn over a brand new leaf
but I won't give up, I really won't

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Keith Logan

Fri, 2017-03-31 14:26

Keith Logan's picture
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Interesting poem. Typo in second verse anew. Suggested final line, to make a rhyming couplet, something like:
but I won't give up, I really won't.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Keith Logan

Fri, 2017-03-31 20:54

Keith Logan's picture
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I did not mean to replace the last line you had but to add my suggestion (or something similar) on after it. The the two lines would then form a rhyming couplet (the don't and the won't) to complete and complement the rest of the poem. This is not uncommon in poems that have a set rhythm but no regular rhyme scheme.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

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