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If Only We Appreciate...(A Sonnet)

How many eyes have looked, yet few could see
it's clear though, if they'd only meditate.
Among the layers find the real beauty,
just try to comprehend-appreciate.

How many listened, few however hear,
though clear it sounds, the charms beguile the feels.
The ocean waves, the flows and ebbs; a sphere,
a given chance, for everyone's appeals.

Yet, fully occupied, we oft forget
to employ our perceptive eye and pore.
We fuss; we over care for issues; fret
for silly things that healthy souls ignore.

Remember! Value every little thing
for life won't always give a song to sing.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

and am not sure what sonnet form this is. For me, there is too much "-ate" rhyme (especially in line 4) and it sounds heavy-handed. Also, I think so much "-ate" rhyme is resulting in some word and phrasing choices that sound a little odd (lines 8 and 12). I think a different rhyme scheme would be helpful.

and many thanks for the time and the thoughtful feedback. I really appreciate it.
This piece though might not hold the sonnet's rhyme scheme yet it is still follows an iambic pentameter, I believe. So you might call it a Rula-esque Sonnet. :)
I understand what you are saying about the too many "iate" and that you find it off, however I like it for the same reason, I wanted to use the inner rhymes,
But I shall keep your suggestions in mind when I decide any revisions.
Again many thanks . Highly appreciate it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

more thoughts re the form, the rhythm and the rhyme.
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

A Sonnet in the style of Shakespeare by:-
Sonnet 'Dubkani' ڈبکںی by Zia Fatehabadi taken from his book titled Meri Tasveer
I cant read it but it is from wikipead

ڈبکںی
پسِ پردہ کِسی نے میرے ارمانوں کی محفِل کو،
کچھ اِس انداز سے دیکھا، کچھ ایسے طور سے دیکھا،
غُبارِ آہ سے دے کر جلا آئینۂ دل کو،
ہر اِک صورت کو میں نے خوب دیکھا، غور سے دیکھا
نظر آئی نہ وہ صورت ، مجھے جس کی تمنّا تھی
بہت ڈھُونڈا کیا گلشن میں، ویرانے میں، بستی میں
منّور شمعِ مہر و ماہ سے دِن رات دُنیا تھی
مگر چاروں طرف تھا گُھپ اندھیرا میری ہستی میں
دلِ مجبور کو مجروحِ اُلفت کر دیا کِس نے
مرے احساس کی گہرایوں میں ہے چُبھن غم کی
مٹا کر جسم، میری روح کو اپنا لیا کس نے
جوانی بن گئی آما جگہ صدماتِ پیہم کی
حجاباتِ نظر کا سلسلہ توڈ اور آ بھی جا
مجھے اِک بار اپنا جلوۂ رنگیں دکھا بھی جا

There doesn't seem to be an English translation so I hope it reads OK to you, I have avoided the Sonnet as it is in strict form and that is outside of my scope, but well done young lady..
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I am really grateful. Not only me but the whole site owe you a lot for your continued support.
I admit that I have some bad times with writing and commenting on others' stuff just like yours and Khalid's as well as the other friends.

As for what you've posted, it is not Arabic. I think it is Aurdo or persian.
I hesitated before labeling this as a sonnet as I always receive very few comments. However, I always appreciate all kinds of comments.
Again many thanks for your kind visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Can you tell me what is the format for a sonnet? I'm still not familiar with it.

stanza 3 line 1 Yet, fully occupied, we oft forget
is "oft' actually supposed to be "often"?

i like the way you lay this one out.

Alid

By the way is it Ramadan in your country? Its the 4th day for the fasting month here. well, whatever month it is there, I pray that Allah will bless you and your family with good health and strong iman to face the trials in this world. Amin.

Thanks dear Khalid for your wishes. Yes, Ramadan is my country. It's spirit at least in the whole world I hope, so I wish you the most blessing Ramadan for you and your family. May Allah accept your fasing and your prayers.

As for the sonnet, it is a very strict form. There are many types of it but this one follows for the most part the iambic pentameter. It comes in 14 lines; three stanzas and a closing couplet
As I said the most challenging about the sonnet is folloing its strict meter. If you google you will learn more about the form. Mine here has some flaws of course, but I am happy I could come up with one after a long dry spell.
As for "oft.", it is a short form of "often" which I use as is for the sake of the meter again.

Thanks for dropping by and your nice comment and wishes.
Highly appreciated and will try to visit your works soon. Please bear with me my brother. :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I think that it is in Aurdo, sorry I picked the wrong side of the Island or continent, but if you can use the translation side of the comp I am sure it will roll it out for you.
The trouble is that Western styles and ways of writing are a little different if only we had a single language..
It was me not reading the description correctly.
You take care young Lady and know we think of you,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

is a composition composed
sitting on a BONNET

YE 12 LINES

and

ACCOMPANIED BY A COUPLE

but this was good

It is a very strict form.
Appreciate your visit Loved.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

As rhyming poetry goes I loved this,
not only rhyming at the end of the line,
it presented a piece of music to me,
and I so enjoyed travelling through the words
and their sounds.

Not a person who can comment about a sonnet,
not having learnt exactly what that is.

Love Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

How great to hear from you after this long time.
I am really happy you liked this, however, it is not a drop in your ocean.
You know I really appreciate it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Being not familiar with Sonnet form, I do not wish to comment on that aspect. However, I fully support the comment of Ann above. I must add that you have drawn attention to a significant aspect of our overlooking "what we have and are blessed with" in our haste and life of hurry, scurry & worry.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I always admire your comments. Scurry and Worry? I absolutely agree and love this expression.
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

to appreciate how far you have come.

"beauty" is used as a masculine rhyme here. It is feminine.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Please correct me if i have overlooked something. I didn't see how beauty is used as a masculine rhyme in the following. Therefore, just curious to know why you felt so.

Among the layers find the real beauty,
just try to comprehend-appreciate.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

too happy to hear from you sir. Knowing how much you're limited with time, I appreciate it even more.
However, if you can rip this up sometime when you have the time at your side, I promise to conduct my first workshop about composing a sonnet.
I think I need to rethink the whole line.
Anyways, thanks for your visit.
Much appreciated.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

"Beauty" is a feminine word as the first syllable is accented while the second is not.
In using the word at the end of her line Rula placed a feminine word where she needed a masculine (accented on the end syllable) to end the line and maintain her meter of iambic pentameter. Read the line out loud and over accent the last syllable in "beauty" and you will hear that it sounds wrong.
A sonnet MUST be written in iambic pentameter or it is not a sonnet. It could be a good poem, but without the precise form we cannot call it a sonnet.
If you have more questions please ask.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Thank you for your elaborate response. I wasn't aware of these nuances about rhyme and sonnet.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks for both of you gentlemen :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment
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