I really enjoyed the passion that was so well penned in your poem. I only have one constructive comment to make, I think you ment "goodbye" in stead of "good by" Line 10. Other than that ...Well done.

Hello! This was a truly emotional poem, and is also the first one that I am commenting on.

There were a few grammatical quirks I noticed, including:
'One second were driving' on Line 8 (we're? or we were?)
'good by' on Line 10 (goodbye?)
'Just a another sad story' on Line 12 (maybe get rid of the 'a')
'the point he I'm trying' on Line 13 (maybe get rid of the 'he')

The meaning behind the poem is solid and coherent, so good on that aspect. The final line is a good summation of the theme, although it could be more impactful (perhaps tying it back to the imagery of the gravestone in the beginning of the poem).

My final comment would be that without punctuation, the flow is thrown a bit off for me. I put in my own imaginary commas to help slow down with the rhythm, which also allowed for emphasis to arise. Without punctuation, following the flow effortlessly may be difficult for other readers, and some of the more dramatic moments miss their emphasis.

Good poem, and I hope to read more of your work in the future!

and welcome to Neopoet.
A touching read indeed. I like it as it spots light on an important theme.
I won't point out the typing errors as those who commented earlier did. I just wanted to say that if this were mine, I'd drop the last line. I think the lesson is pretty obvious and it would read really more powerful without it. Just my opinion.

You sure have word skills and a poetic voice, talent.
All three poems you have posted though could be so much better.
There are other ways to rhyme than couplets.
Rhyme is secondary to meter (rhythm). When you distort your language to rhyme you sacrifice credibility, true voice.
Forget rapping. We hold many workshops here to learn all the poetic techniques, you can even get a personal mentor.
I strongly suggest you read some good poetry. I won't even suggest anyone, you need to find out for yourself. If you can't read it you probably can't write it.
As with any craft or skill poetry is learned and very, very seldom thrives on raw talent. I know only two poets who do. They both post on Neopoet.

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I take back my comment "forget rapping". Rapping has been a powerful influence on modern poetry and there has been some brilliant poetry created through it.
Better to say, extend your poetry to improve that genre and your own work.

I think I have read this one before did you post it a few years ago.
It has great potential, the theme is solid, just take note of what the others are saying..
If you can, use word to write on, then its spell checker will come in, that is automatic, this will stop most of your spelling mistakes.
Just copy and paste from word straight on to stream, it is far easier, also it allows you to save your work for other uses.
Yours, Sparrow..