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I am a woman
shall not be afraid
to be defined
By the color of own skin
Solely by the content of the character
And truth soul
I am who I am-by the integrity
To look far beyond
Of the superficial beauty
Through the inner view
I am a woman
With the privilege
when it comes to carry
For offspring young
Inside a mother’s womb
I am a woman
That is not petrify
To speak of her mind
To stand up for what is right
I am a woman
Have lived through life
Walk through many other shoes
To understand the meaning
Of life
I am a woman
that may seem to be fragile
I endured through
Many battles of stormy weather
Day and night
rain and shine
But I never give up
To search for purpose
I am a woman
Portray as a delicate flower
I have never
relinquish my beauty title
I still stand tall
to carry on my petals with
grace and pride
I am a woman
that stand strong
Conquer fear of all
Like a strenuous mountain
To convey my message across
Editing stage:
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Comments
Jackweb
Wed, 2022-12-21 09:46
I am a woman
A very motivational piece! "I endured through
Many battles of stormy weather
Day and night
rain and shine
But I never give up
To search for purpose"
I like the imagery your poem possess. Many things are yet to unfold in these lines. An excellent poetic writing! Great job!
.
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Wed, 2022-12-21 09:54
Well Told....
sing it from the highest mountain top!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Wed, 2022-12-21 11:23
I like...
the theme. Your story has many truths, and the philosophy is flawless. However, the tenses and relationship of the lines, can be seen to make it just a bit choppy because one is trying to fill in some blanks. This is how you may fix it:
[I] shall not be afraid
to be defined by the color [of my]skin
Or solely by the content of character
And truth['s] soul
I am who I am, by my integrity
To look far beyond
The superficial beauty
Through [an] inner view
I am a woman
With the privilege
of carrying
Offspring, young
inside a mother's womb
I am a woman
That is not petrif[ied]
Of speak[ing] her mind
To stand up for what is right
I am a woman
Hav[ing] lived through life
Walk[ing] in many others' shoes
To understand the meaning of life
I am a woman
Portrayed as a delicate flower
I have never
relinquish[ed] [my title of beauty]
I still stand tall
[my petals carried]
[with grace and pride]
I am a woman
that can stand strong
Conquer[ing] fear of all
Like a [mighty] mountain
To [shout] my message across.
If you would like the reasoning for the changes I have made, I will give you each one in a separate comment.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Hon
Thu, 2022-12-22 10:21
Feedback
Geezer, greatly appreciated your stop posting.
author commentHon
Thu, 2022-12-22 13:26
Geezer, stop your posting
Geezer, while we all come across to our favorite piece of reading while other pieces may be the least on our list. As a writer our role is to display with a sense of encouragement and respect and NOT to exemplify with any taste of sabotage to other piece of writing. We all have the option to leave our feedback blank to those that DO NOT strike to our interest and we can definitely display word of compliment to the pieces that showcase with an exceptional writing performance.
I do find that your feedback filled with numerous of derogatory meaning.
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2022-12-22 17:47
I did not...
mean to sound disrespectful. I only sought to show you how your poem could be improved. This is what we do here; we tell our poets, the things we think will help them. This is not like the sites that only give praise for a poet. We honestly try to help those who are serious about improving their work. I will not leave any more comments. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Rula
Thu, 2022-12-22 16:57
Hello Hon
Sorry to interfere here, but I have to say that I've been to Neo for more than ten years, sir Geezer was there even earlier(our profiles show). He is one of the most active advocates.
This site is meant to be a workshop more than anything else. So we are to post a piece that we feel need to improve in a way or another, so if you are lucky enough you would get a suggestion or more.
I know so many poetry sites where you can get only flattering words, but no one suggestion or an honest opinion.
Again all those who are here (sir Geezer included) accept any suggestion to grow with our poetry.
Honestly, I read his reply which started with a compliment then he gave his suggestion, which we all usually do. You can easily take the suggestion(s) or defend your point and your piece and leave it as is, no one could force you take anything you don't like. They are ONLY thoughts
Sorry if I have carried on and thanks for listening.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Jackweb
Thu, 2022-12-22 18:42
THIS IS SURPRISING!
Are you willing to admit when you are wrong, and are you willing to listen to others and be open to counsel?
When it comes to taking correction, how do you respond? Do you feel beaten down? Do you get defensive? Do you fall into self-pity?
Let’s face it: Accepting correction can be hard. It is easy to fall into thinking that we know best and that someone else does not have the right to tell us to change. Oftentimes, we interpret correction for judgment.
As far as I'm here, sir Geezer is a literary luminary. Take it or leave it!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
lovedly
Sun, 2022-12-25 09:02
This is the only site which helps poets I have been here for
over a dozen years I will advise only if you wish
But may I add Gee is best he corrects and is not disturbed
even if I say a word.
Rest you are an upcoming poetess
USA has
Candlewitch
Sun, 2022-12-25 11:21
lovedly is right on target...
this is the only site that was designed to help poets. I advise that you NOT bite the helping hand!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.