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The Household Cat
Some thoughts about the household cat,
an independent cuss is that.
Not like the family dog who'll sit,
or on your lap will try to fit.
The dog obeys the master’s call,
the cat it seems can't hear at all.
The dog will let you pet a bit,
the cat just out of reach will sit.
The dog tries to communicate,
the cat treats you like real estate.
The cat when only in the mood,
allows affectionate interlude.
The dog prefers to lie close by,
the cat a place from which to spy.
With the dog we are in charge,
the cat’s a renegade at large.
But in the nature of a cat,
that mysterious aristocrat,
are found those prevailing traits,
with which it thoroughly fascinates.
We like to think that we control,
a grand illusion on the whole.
A case in point when thinking that,
our place in the life of the household cat.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Seren
Sat, 2013-11-16 05:47
Hello
I really thought the rhythm and pace were good there were a couple of lines that need to be smoothed out with a couple of read throughs you will find the offending lines but other than that, I have to say I loved the content I have three dogs and five cats they are exactly as you described them I really enjoyed reading this one thanks for posting
love JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Geezer
Sat, 2013-11-16 19:00
My thoughts exactly...
I am with JC, your rhyme was excellent, with a few minor stumbles in rhythm. When I find them, I usually ask myself if there is a word or syllable that I can eliminate or add without losing the meaning of the line? Nice subject too! I love dogs and cats! Especially dogs, but the tone was just what you might get from me, if you were to ask me about cats. Nice job. ~ Gee
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lonlyhrtsclub13
Sat, 2013-11-16 21:03
sounds like
My furry little guys...one behaves more like a dog...while the other is a typical cat. They are so much fun! Really thought you captured the essence of both the cat and dog. The rhyming was good. Nice write.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
mand
Mon, 2013-11-18 11:40
Hi Captjack
I agree with the above comments! You have captured the nature of cats and dogs so very well.
Love Mand xxxx
alidzain
Tue, 2014-04-08 05:08
Hi Captjack
I agree with everyone and I like the last stanza the best!
Alid