Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Holiday At Grandma's House

Grandma's House

Grandma and the house, scented with
hunger-making baking smells.
This, and all her holiday fare
lovingly planned and created.
Browned skinned turkey roasting
basted with butter and natural juices.
Mingling aromas of pies, eggnog and bird
After grandma hugs, snuggling me.
we sit in the big rocking chair
together, eating warm cookies.
To my child's mind; this is heaven!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Holiday At Grandma's House" successfully utilizes sensory language to create vivid imagery. The use of phrases such as "scented with hunger-making baking smells" and "browned skinned turkey roasting" stimulate the reader's olfactory senses, effectively transporting them to the scene.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. For example, the line "After grandma hugs, snuggling me" disrupts the flow due to its abruptness and lack of connection to the preceding or following lines.

Additionally, the poem could delve deeper into the emotional aspect of the experience. While the sensory details are rich, the emotional connection between the speaker and the grandmother could be further explored to add depth to the narrative.

Lastly, the use of punctuation is inconsistent. The poem lacks full stops at the end of each line, which can make it difficult for the reader to understand the intended pauses and breaks.

In conclusion, while the poem effectively uses sensory language, improvements can be made in the areas of rhythm, emotional depth, and punctuation.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I have a great deal of trouble with punctuation. I am working on my deplorable lack of caps. thank you for your helpful suggestions.

*Cat/Candlewitch

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

four to five years of grandma bliss to enjoy. I felt the "Prince of Hearts" in my grandmother's kingdom. I was the oldest of her grandchildren. I always helped in the kitchen on holidays, doing whatever I was asked to do. I loved being in the kitchen with her. Anyhow, I had nostalgic smells in my head! You took me down memory lane, and I enjoyed it very much.
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I am happy to have transported you back to the magic of those happy years and festivities!

*love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Hi, Cat,
This took me back, too. Sweet memories! You are right - a little piece of heaven!
Thank you!
L

I am very glad to be of service! thanks for reading and responding!

*love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

wasn't the woman that anyone would expect to be found in a modern-day home.
we spent holidays on occasion frivolously feasting, but what I remember best was.
a woman who toiled to make everyone there feel at home. Someone who gave all
of her time and energy and selflessly gave dusk to dawn.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

thank you for sharing your memories of your Grandmother. she sounds wonderful! (I had a good grandma and a formidable one who did not like children.)

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Christmas was always spent at my grandmother's. Thanksgiving my mom always cooked. It was a time when family acted like family and everyone came together and got along. All the smells and that warm feeling I always got from being at her house. Thank you for having me remember things I had put on the back burner. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

we had just the opposite, with thanksgiving at grandma's! my dad cooked our feast for christmas (mom/Norma was a horrible cook!) I the youngest, was his kitchen assistant, lol! I hope your memories are sweet. thank you for the response!

*love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

a thanksgiving that is. What a wonderful writing, captured in
minute detail. I loved it!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

for your time and comments on my work. I really appreciate them!

*warm hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.