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HESITANT
I stand and stare, just stand and stare
now that I've finally gotten here.
I almost see what's over there
yet I hesitate to squint and peer.
So many years to reach this place
and here I am at last.
I feel as if I've run a race
and that I came in last.
The bridge seems it is mocking me
daring me to walk its length.
Perhaps I would if I could see
Yet blindness gives me little strength..
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-05-04 12:02
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Hesitant" is a short and simple reflection on the speaker's feelings upon arriving at a destination they have been striving towards. The use of repetition in the first stanza effectively conveys the speaker's hesitation and uncertainty. The following stanzas express a sense of disappointment and frustration, with the speaker feeling as though they have come in last and are being mocked by the bridge. The final line about the speaker's blindness adds an additional layer of complexity to the poem.
One suggested line edit would be to change "Yes blindness" to "Yet blindness" in the final stanza. This change would create a stronger sense of contrast between the speaker's physical limitation and their desire to overcome it.
Overall, "Hesitant" is a solid poem with a clear and relatable theme. However, the poem could benefit from more vivid language and imagery to help bring the reader into the speaker's perspective and emotions. Additionally, the poem could benefit from a stronger sense of structure or form to help guide the reader through the speaker's journey.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
scribbler
Thu, 2023-05-04 12:30
Hi Guys
The AI caught a misspell and pointed out the weaknesses I was already aware of. Most of these were the result of attempting to keep this under 80 words in an exercise in brevity
author commentTriskelion
Thu, 2023-05-04 13:24
Metrically...
S2L4... if you replace "that I" with "sorely" ( or like word) it flows better.
Cheers!
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
scribbler
Thu, 2023-05-04 19:14
Hi Thomas
I appreciate the idea and will think about it in edit
author commentLavender
Thu, 2023-05-04 13:30
Hesitant
Hi, Stan,
A clever, wonderful poem. Brief, yet full of thought. I liked everything about this.
L
scribbler
Thu, 2023-05-04 19:15
hello
Thank you
author commentUnca Fez
Sat, 2023-05-06 09:48
Be Careful What You Wish For...
I really like the way the poem describes the feelings associated with almost achieving a long sought goal and, just before the goal is achieved, the goal seeker starts to question the goal, itself. The line, "and that I came in last" implies that maybe this isn't the goal that was really wanted.
Good job.
Thanx,
Steve
scribbler
Sat, 2023-05-06 10:50
hello Steve
I appreciate your taking time to drop by
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2023-05-06 10:11
dear Stan,
please ignore AI. I like everything about this poem. from the title to the transfer of thought to ending outcome. I like that it ends with a question of goal. sometimes the journey is everything, and the ending goal is secondary. thank you for sharing this with us. I appreciate you.
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Sat, 2023-05-06 10:51
Hi Cat
But the AI caught a misspell for me lol. I am glad you think well of this scribble
author comment