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Had We Only Met

I caught the curve of your face in the crowd,
and the widespread room felt suddenly familiar.

Then, when you turned to leave, the same room
emptied into an anxious, gray regret.

Your name never had the chance to linger on
my lips, to slip itself behind the word,

"Hello..."

Trying to imagine your voice speaking back to me,
I stood out of place, staring longingly at the door,

forever wondering where our conversation might have led.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

...actively comment on free verse pieces, but this one caught my attention. Can we look at changing the line breaks in S2? (Just my own take, so no right or wrong here, and perhaps you prefer to keep the piece in couplets)

Then, when you turned to leave,
the same room emptied
into an anxious, gray regret

I think you referred to it as enjambment? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

I was definitely going for the enjambment and the couplet, but mostly I wanted that line to be isolated, to feel as heavy and depleting as possible. I love enjambment, but it has to connect the correct words to stir the emotions. I also hoped the sound and flow of "my lips, to slip" produced an intimate feeling, even though there was no intimacy involved. Dunno. I appreciate your generous suggestion with this, and will think it over. Your opinion is valuable to me.
Thank you for reading and spending time!
L

author comment

..enjambment. I just read the definition and have a more complete understanding of it. And the opposite is a line with a full stop? I will give more consideration to that in the future. Hm. I wonder what other intricacies are involved in line breaks. You have given me seed for research now, so thanks for that!
Yes, S3L2 is charming, of course!

Thomas

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.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

there a time or two, wondering where an introduction might have led. I recognized the feeling right away. Nothing I would change and the single line; nicely done! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I've been there a time or two, also. Kinda like a cloud hovers over the entire room for a while. I'm glad you recognized the feeling. Thank you, as always, for reading!
L

author comment

Wondering what could've been...if one of us had just been a little braver and spoke to the other. Maybe our lives would've turned out very different. Another great write that leaves your reader to ponder!

~RoseBlack~

It seems most of us have had these moments. It's probably for the best that we don't know what may have happened. :)
Thank you for reading! I appreciate your comment!
L

author comment

Hi Lavender.

What if we had followed are instincts and made the first move? Might our life been changed by such a move? Would it have been better or worse? I have no idea but there have been many times when I have asked myself the questions mentioned.

Thanks for an enjoyable read. - Will

Yes, we'll never know. I tell myself that what is meant for us will not pass us by, so...there's that. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!
I appreciate it!
L

author comment

You have this magical way of writing that sets the hook quickly and takes the reader to the heart of the focus. I really like:

Your name never had the chance to linger on
my lips, to slip itself behind the word,

"Hello..."

(Lost opportunities...)

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Yes, lost opportunities. Ah, well...who knows?
Thank you, as always!
L

author comment

Yep, "what if" can interrupt peace of mind, for sure. Just a bit too much to think about, sometimes. Thank you for your lovely comments, and as always, for taking the time to share!
L

author comment
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