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FIFTY THREE

Submitted by IRiz on Thu, 2018-08-30 15:03

A tow path between future and past,
an old horse and her wooden barge
have slowed down. She looks around
with somewhat new eyes but still walks.

My mother’s clock on the wall
concentrated on critical task
hangs low today. Time talks
and kids look at me as if I was
diagnosed with incurable painful disease.

I just told them I am fifty three.
They are not happy I mentioned my age.
They thought I am one of them
rock climbing and riding steep curves,
listening to the same tunes,
loving the same books,
pushing number of followers to 10K,
in one word charismatic person.

And I was for them. But not anymore,
they look at me as if I revealed
a dirty secret about myself.
Yes, I am fifty three so what?
I was always lonely and don’t mind
if they all fuck off.
My young ex-friends,
your shallow absence still hurts.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Thu, 2018-08-30 15:23

a soliloquy if I may say about a woman on the threshold of her 53rd birthday, coming to terms with the fact that time keeps ticking off no matter her healthy pursuits and accomplishments and the dear ones noticing some change yet not willing to accept it.....all in all i believe it's about wondering if "age really is just a number"
........................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

IRiz

Thu, 2018-08-30 15:43

IRiz's picture
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Hi Raj,
it is a poem about how american minds overprice youth. About how many people, men and women, hide their age because of this cult of youth. About how it feels to be treated based on the numbers but not abilities. About how I am not going to hide my age.

I did not write about " the dear ones noticing some change yet not willing to accept it....."
In fact, I accept it and proud of it.

IRiz

author comment

raj

Thu, 2018-08-30 16:01

at least I got it almost right...thanks for the elaboration...a good theme..
................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

scribbler

Thu, 2018-08-30 16:42

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Wait until you hit your 60s that's when the youngster can Really tune you out lol. But I liked this poem. As a free verse I think it exceptional and needs no changes.......stan

IRiz

Thu, 2018-08-30 17:02

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Hi Stan,
Thank you for reading.
I am glad you came across the lines.

IRiz

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lovedly

Thu, 2018-08-30 17:07

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''I always knew you were a poet.''
and
now here may I say you are 53
born on 30 August 1965=5 very perceptive
exceedingly creative
very swift
going up and then down
valleys and hills
sliding gliding at freewill
Isn't it!

I too composed a poem similarly
but not at 53
maybe nearing 83
soonly

IRiz

Thu, 2018-08-30 18:40

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Hi Lovedly,
I am looking forward to seeing your poem.

IRiz

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lovedly

Thu, 2018-08-30 21:25

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already posted and one on knowledge also have a nice day Irene

IRiz

Thu, 2018-08-30 21:36

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Thank you!!!

IRiz

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Sparrow

Thu, 2018-08-30 18:49

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A meaningful write as usual, age is nothing young lady and you will never age as long as you can sit and write of the wonders around you.
There in the shadows of the aged I walk, then there in front of me is the beauty of the light the Children bring.
If you need a light to guide you young lady, just look inward there you will see a light there, that lights the world.
Yours as always and I is a war child, lol, 42, the answer to everything Yours Ian .xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

IRiz

Thu, 2018-08-30 21:42

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Hi Ian,
It is nice to hear from you.
Yes, you are my parents' generation, but I don't feel that way. I think you are beyond the divisions between generations. I bet you have friends of all ages because your are kind and your heart is open.

IRiz

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2018-08-31 17:20

lovedly's picture

is only a number
all at all ages in sleep snore
are they a bore
for this there is no cure

so poemize more
at nearing 80 I too compose
on sites elsewhere as @ 16
so many love me
u i only can assure just read my babe poetry
and you will know

Sparrow

Fri, 2018-08-31 18:31

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Many thanks for your reply.
It is strange young lady that all the friends I could visit here are now gone.
But this link is a lifeline to another world where I am at rest, in being able to walk with all ages.
The best part of the week is I hate to say, when I go shopping, and there are dozens of casual people that I can talk to. I have been blessed as it were with the ability to be able to walk with all the people I meet.
On this media I tend to get into trouble as I become involved in others ways.
Years ago I belonged to a group of people called "The Samaritans" we use to sit on the end of a telephone and talk to people that needed help, quite a hard job sometimes but I liked the work.
Also I use to write for people in many different places Bars and cafe's and any place people would go to just be.
I have the ability to be able to write at a moments notice so to me it was a joy..
I love talking to the opposite sex and that has cost me dear in the years that have gone by, men to me are never as light as the ladies, so I get into trouble lol.
One day I will write for you but I think I have help from the children I know they sometimes are naughty in a lovely way.
Thanks again for your communication, it brightens the evening.
Take care and will talk to you at some time,
Yours Ian x

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Eumolpus

Fri, 2018-08-31 22:36

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when someone says they just turned 53 and you think, "O, just a kid!"
Look, relax, you have at least 4 or 5 good years left. Enjoy! When you get to my age, when you have a birthday you don't accept "happy" birthday- you only ask for for condolences.

Seriously, the poem is fun. But I would want to know more about the young friends...I mean 53 is still young today..In what ways have they abandoned you? Is it because you are 53 somehow? How shallow can one be to like give "koodoes" to someone at only 53?
As far as the kids, well what did they expect based on the reality of when they were born and you? and you are vibrant- you run, you write, you look young...You can start considering that when you hit the big 6-0. Try saying that...ssaa....ssaa...

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

IRiz

Tue, 2018-09-04 10:43

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Hi Eumo,
thank you for your kindest words and your interest.
i have to remind you that the author is not always the same as her protagonist. The intention was to show what people feel being age discriminated. I wonder if you ever experienced being mistreated that often non verbal but always palpable way.

IRiz

author comment

Simon

Sat, 2018-09-01 04:40

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This is such an experience in the journey of life, I must say I'm also in kid's class i once asked my mum, why is she having grey hair and i am not. But now I know better, i wish to get old someday so i can explain things to kids too,thanks for this wonderful poem.

IRiz

Tue, 2018-09-04 10:47

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Hi Simon,
thank you for reading my lines. Your comment is sweet.
The point is you don't need to be old to explain things. You have to be smart. My poem is trying to say that it is better to see the person behind the age cliches.

IRiz

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