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Fictional Character

I sometimes feel like a fictional character
Unreal, unlike any other
Walking about this foreign place called reality
Never being seen
Merely looked at for amusement
as they blindfoldedly walk amongst me
I can’t find any of you,
That I can relate to
Except those select few,
Who I never really knew
A vagrant, a passerby
None can truly see me, even those who try
Am I really content with such solitude?
I try to convince myself I am
But it always comes back to this
A real me, in a world so fictitious

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
An older poem of mine, would like to know how it could be improved.
Editing stage: 

Comments

'That I can cling to'
That, I think is you haven't got any critique in the last week

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

i'll change that line to something else

Amber

author comment

I like the content, we all feel that way at times ... I do
have a few suggestions.

I sometimes feel as a fictional character (doesn't flow well
for me like that, sometimes I feel like a fictional character, or
at times we all feel like; finding a way to include the reader from
the jump will usually clinch the rest of the read)
Unreal, unlike any other ( like any other; makes more sense)
Walking about this foreign place called reality (like this line but it
also could be improved upon)
What if I’m just fictitious being, (I'd cut this line completely,
unneeded, it is more an opening line to the poem, the thought
has already been placed)
Never being seen

To tell the truth, I'd end it there but it's your baby.

Just suggestions ...

Richard

so much for the suggestions! I made a few changes.

Amber

author comment

the line
'To cling to'
still bugs me, it is disempowering. Yes we all need connection. But who am I to presume you are not powerless and clingy? Or at least feeling that way.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

what you mean. To be honest, i was feeling that way during the time that i wrote this. But perhaps "relate" is a better word?

Amber

author comment

I believe everything you said just the way you said it. Unfortunately this alienation you speak of is likely something we've all experienced and often written about. Others of us feel the same sensitivity (which is why you don't see us, we're in our disguises that keep our sensitivity hidden). You are experiencing poet's life.

I would say when dealing with a subject like alienation, in the confines and safety of the place where you are writing, take us to Amber-world. Don't feel inihibited or afraid, and write it especially if you do feel the fear. You'll find what lies beyond the veil of fear will dissipate as the words appear on the page. I know about alienation, what I am interested in inside this piece is Amber's alienation. Take what you can use from this or discard it in part or in full. In any event, I wish you well.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

thank you enough for your comment. It comforts me a lot to know that other people feel this way. I really like that you call it "poet's life", it makes me think of the alienation as a beautiful thing.

Thanks so much!
Amber

author comment

"unlike an other
walking in a foreign place of reality
never seeing
never being
I'm amusement
for the blindfolded amongst
me
Whom of which
I cannot find any
but the fewest
of selection

..."

just my reworking of your poetry
which changes your poetry
which I why I dont write this
out normally

but I like this poem
what it says

ideals and concepts are perceptions

Thank You!

you very much! : )

Amber

author comment

The theme is good but you seem to have drawn it into a circle that is negative, it seemed confusing to read, you are either lonely or not, people see you or not. They can't see me but a selective few???
Esker wrote it out again, but as he said it is not for us to do, but it is a hint on how to rearrange and edit, which we are here for, Look forward to your reply, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

for your comment. By "never being seen" I mean seen for who i really am. People can see me, but they can't really "see" me, you know?

Amber

author comment
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