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The Eagle
The eagle soars through the crisp clean air,
Heading toward its nest on the mountain top.
It stops to drink the cool water from the brook
It wipes its head with its wing,
Weary from its journey.
It sighs and shoots back into the air like a phoenix.
Our national symbol flies proud and free.
It reaches its nest safely.
Three eaglets are waiting there for it.
It takes them under its wing,
Shielding them from all harm.
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Tue, 2017-07-11 02:50
This has gone un-critiqued for over a month,
and considering the quality of the verse I can only assume it is because of your choice of feedback level. "Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)" does not invite honest feedback; it is mostly used when the content is about something devastatingly personal like the death of someone close or abusive childhood issues. Many have pushed to have the option removed altogether.
Oh, there is another, perhaps even more significant reason. I see you have not given any feedback to anyone else on their work. This is a workshop community, we share our knowledge and insights to help each other learn and grow. I think you can not expect much if you don't give, Jeffrey.
The poem is an effective vignette. One thing that strikes me, it may seem petty however it jarred. Do birds sigh? Also "like a phoenix" doesn't ring quite true. The phoenix arises from its own ashes.
You have a word-crafters skill, I hope you will start to share some of it in the form of critique for others.
cheers,
Jess
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