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Going To France Was Her Dream
Going to France was her dream,
But life is never as good as it seems.
Her life turned out tragically bad.
Now I am very sad.
She will never see Paris or the Eiffel Tower,
Or hear a clock in Cologne chime by the hour.
She was the best she could be.
She meant everything to me.
Now she is in heaven at peace.
My love for her will never cease.
I miss her so much.
How I long for her touch.
Oh how I miss her so.
Just how much,
Only G-d and I will ever know.
Someday I will see her again.
Only G-d knows when.
It is getting harder and harder for me to wait,
But until then I will have to accept her fate.
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Wed, 2017-05-24 19:08
your poem
It is our responsibility to respect a person's feelings. You have written honestly, and what has happened is truly sad, and anyone reading this work will surely feel sad at your loss.
I am a poetry therapist. You have taken the first step in using poetry to find catharsis and self expression. Honesty is the most important first step of a poet.
As time goes on, you MUST read a lot poetry and get involved with other poets . You will discover the magic ingredients that make poetry. . It is a long process to learn the power of words, metaphors, simile, meter, rhyme, etc. Continue to read the poetry and comments on this site. You will one day look back at this work and understand why, although heart felt, has not yet entered the domain in the craft of poetry.
Stay with it!
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Jeffrey Fleischer
Wed, 2017-05-24 20:20
my poem
Thank you.
Jeff
Jeffrey Mark Fleischer
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2017-05-24 22:52
I felt some...
deep emotion here. I liked your title and the beginning and end were good. I think if you follow the advice of Eumolpus, you will do very well here at Neopoet. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Jeffrey Fleischer
Thu, 2017-05-25 11:14
my poem
Thank you.
Jeff
Jeffrey Mark Fleischer
author commentjane210660
Thu, 2017-05-25 04:05
I can only concur
that Eumolpus has given you some really great advice.
Poetry is a wonderful medium for expressing our emotion and it's really good that you shared yours with us.
Keep with it.
Jx
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Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
Jeffrey Fleischer
Thu, 2017-05-25 11:14
my poem
Thank you.
Jeff
Jeffrey Mark Fleischer
author comment