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the drill (by: eddy styx)

safe in my environment
way back in the day,
when a man had the power
to veto Venus's play...

we strove to suppress
the women in our lives
keep her in chains
wed them, make them all wives.

the end of an innocence
siphoning off her free will
she'll wear my collar
because that is the drill!

*eddy styx is my MALE, murderous alter ego who writes dark poetry.

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I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "the drill" by eddy styx explores themes of power dynamics and gender roles in a historical context. The poem's tone is dark and satirical, which is consistent with the author's intention to portray a "murderous alter ego." Here are some suggestions for improvement:

1. Structure and rhythm: The poem's structure is fairly consistent, with four stanzas of four lines each. However, the rhythm could be improved by maintaining a consistent syllable count or meter throughout the poem. This would help to create a more engaging and memorable reading experience.

2. Imagery and metaphor: The poem uses some strong imagery, such as "keep her in chains" and "wear my collar," to convey the oppressive nature of the speaker's actions. However, the poem could benefit from additional imagery or metaphor to further illustrate the themes of power and control. For example, the speaker could describe the physical or emotional consequences of their actions on the women they seek to control.

3. Clarity and coherence: The poem's message is clear, but some lines could be rephrased for greater coherence. For instance, the line "to veto Venus's play" could be rephrased to more clearly convey the idea of a man exerting control over a woman's actions or desires.

4. Language and diction: The poem's language is fairly simple and direct, which helps to convey the speaker's sinister intentions. However, the poem could benefit from more varied and nuanced language to create a more vivid and engaging reading experience. For example, the line "the end of an innocence" could be rephrased using more evocative language to describe the loss of freedom experienced by the women in the poem.

Overall, "the drill" is an intriguing exploration of historical power dynamics and gender roles. By refining the poem's structure, imagery, clarity, and language, the poem can become even more engaging and thought-provoking.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I think if you tried to chain me now, you'd have a hell of a fight on your hands. Wink ;)

God, it pains me to say I was once that woman whose free will was siphoned off.

This is one that I felt more than read, and that doesn't happen too often for me.

Short? but it has a hell of an impact Eddy!!! Bravo!!!

love always from the Lilbit x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

I am glad that you are strong and I put you in fighting spirit! I was going for the outlook of a real neanderthal @sshole. thank you for your response ;) I think I maybe be adding to this poem sometime in the future.

* respects, eddy styx
*love Cat Sis

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I cannot wait to read it again; I look forward to the edits.

much love Lilbit xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Holy hell in a handcart Cat, that is a pretty amazing poem.

Sorry if I have missed your explanation for eddy styx before, this is a cool approach to poetry and secretly, I think we all move through the genders using our words as liquid to wear neutral skin.

The brevity of your words paints the reality for women and girls, worldwide. :( Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

a very long time ago, Cat was the victim of such men, that is how I was born! I like to inspire the female gender to recognize these men and get as far away from them as they can.

thank you for your response, you made my day!

*ever eddy styx
*love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

as satirical and insane as one can get. I have seen these women throughout my life. They are alluded to throughout my works and especially in regard to the women I grew up around. I have seen the changes as they have occurred and do occur still.
My regards, eddy! Thanks for your take on this topic. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I think every child who reaches puberty should be given a handbook on this topic of recognizing the user and abuser in a partner. these jerks cause tremendous heartache and pain as they scar the psyche permanently.

*ever, eddy styx

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

This reminds me of Count Adhemar in "A Knight's Tale" who said that he collects horses, trophies, and women for his mantle. Another great example of this kind of thinking and brainwashing is "Mona Lisa Smile". They graduate from Wellsley so they can become a wife.

Women have been wearing the slave's collar throughout history. The freedom to be their own person is a relatively new development that has not yet reached most of the world. It is sad that some of the smartest people in the world are ignored because of their plumbing.

eddy has hit a home run with this one.

Thanx,
Steve

as always your support lends wings to my intentions. thank you for being you!

*love, (the) Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Well done! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I still think this is one of the strongest pieces of poetry I've read about women.

It has a truth I have experienced and I think many others have.
No matter how people are treated, there will always be those who will manipulate and coerce in our lives.
I see this in both males and females but as men often have the upper hand, it is women who face it more often.
Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

thank you for the understanding.

*eddy styx

& Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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