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Dear Heart, Forgive

Submitted by Alaethia D on Sun, 2024-03-03 01:29

Dear Heart, you bear a silent ache,
A background throb that will not break
The dam that quells your flood of tears
From pains built over years and years
Dear heart, what pain will loose the flood
Of salty torrents, hot as blood
Form deeper wounds than hearts can stand?
Dear heart, you do not understand
That tho the pain may be released
And floods cause momentary peace
This does not mean the pain will cease.
You must dive in and brace the storm
To find the source of all your harm
And stop it up – you seal the hole
To mend a tear inside your soul.

Dear heart, fear not the icy waves
That you must fight upstream. Who saves
His own life loses what he saves,
But keeps who does not fear the grave.
A part of you, dear heart, must die,
And tho it hurts to answer “Why?”
It hurts far more to never know.
So find your dragon. You must go
Inside yourself to seek his lair.
And, dearest heart, when you are there
Don't draw your sword. Ignore his lies
And look your dragon in the eyes.
“I'm sorry,” all you need to say
And dragon's fire will fade away.
Your dragon will become a child
Covered in burns and ash, with wild
Wide eyes, filled up by doubt and fear.
You'll see a single tracing tear
Slip from those eyes. “I'm sorry too.”
And you will reconcile with you.

Dear heart, if you would heal your hell
Then you must first forgive yourself.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
03/24 New Member Contest
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2024-03-03 11:06

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have said this any better than is written here. You make quite the case for self-forgiveness! Even at my advanced age of 75
[almost 76], I am still learning the difference between forgiving myself, and making excuses. No matter what anyone says, it's easier to make an excuse, than to admit having made a mistake. I love how you have laid the cure for a hurting heart, at the feet of oneself. Thank you for an enjoyable read, and self-reflection. ~ Geez.
.

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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Alaethia D

Sun, 2024-03-03 14:44

Alaethia D's picture

Hello! I don't know if you saw my profile description, but this is Thalassa! I couldn't get into my old account so I made a new one instead - how have you been??

Thank you so much for your thoughts on this poem. Yes, the distinction between self forgiveness and making excuses is such a difficult thing to determine. I actually had not considered that in the light of this poem, so now I shall have to do some thinking.

Which of your most recent poems would you recommend I read? I'd love to catch up on your works over the past couple years, but am not quite sure where to start.

author comment

Candlewitch

Sun, 2024-03-03 11:22

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It is very nice to meet you! I see that Geezer has been here with his excellent observations. I agree with him. the only thing I have to add, is drop all of those (And)'s the poem reads beautifully without them, the are unnecessary! my favorite lines of this poem are:

A part of you, dear heart, must die,
And tho it hurts to answer “Why?”
It hurts far more to never know.
So find your dragon. You must go
Inside yourself to seek his lair.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Alaethia D

Sun, 2024-03-03 14:45

Alaethia D's picture

That is such a novel idea - I had not considered dropping the "ands." I'll work on a second draft to incorporate those changes and see what I like of it!

I would love to return the favor on the read you have given my poem - which of your works would you recommend I start with?

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Lavender

Mon, 2024-03-04 21:45

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Hello, Thalassa,
I remember you! So nice to see your poetry again! This almost brings me to tears - it is so comforting and tender, courageous and loving...I could go on, it is so touching. And its rhythm is so smooth and graceful. How very gentle, kind and beautiful.
Thank you!
Lavender

Alaethia D

Tue, 2024-03-05 00:27

Alaethia D's picture

I remember you!! It's so refreshing after a couple years to see the exact same profile picture. Must admit I haven't kept that up myself... XD

Thank you so much! I am glad the poem touched you. :)) It's been a while and I'd love to catch up on your poetry - where should I start?? :D

author comment

Lavender

Tue, 2024-03-05 07:53

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If you ever have the time, you can go to the profile page of any of us here and read past poems. I don't have any single poem that comes to mind, but would appreciate your insight to any of them. I look forward to reading more of your work! Thank you!
L

Alex Tanner

Tue, 2024-03-05 18:41

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A very strong and touching poem. Easy to read and understand at a glance, unlike so much written nowadays. My only criticism, and it is a hobby horse of mine. Not enough use of punctuation. Alex

Alaethia D

Wed, 2024-03-06 07:20

Alaethia D's picture

touched on the keystones of my recent poetry: simple writing, and poor use of punctuation, the first being a goal, and the second a common error. Over the past couple years I have read thousands of poems in an attempt to better myself as a poet, and realized that one of the key elements my poetry lacked was simplicity - so that has been the quest. On the flipside, I also realized that in the rush of writing I do an absolutely terrible job of punctuating the poems I've written. Thank you so much for pointing that out - I will go back and repunctuate this and all my recent poetry. Deeply appreciated.

Are there any poems from your works posted on NeoPoet that you'd recommend a new reader of your poetry? I would love to become acquainted with you as a poet.

author comment

Alex Tanner

Wed, 2024-03-06 09:24

Alex Tanner's picture

That is a difficult one to answer. The poems I have done best with, including winning poem of the year for last year, are not necessarily my favourites. I like 'A Girl and I' and 'A girl and I' 2. The second won a monthly challenge but I liked the first best because so much of it was from experience. ' Lost Companion' won the years best and I was quite pleased considering I have never had a pet dog. (I had a tortoise, not quite so boisterous). I hope you will find time to read most of my efforts and comment on them as it is the only way we can improve. Best Wishes. Alex

Words Ablaze

Wed, 2024-03-20 04:50

I love it..
Delivery is flawless..
Imagery is reverting
The rhyme... Hipnotising.
I am also excited and hopeful of
bringing any challenge to this beautiful piece in this new member's contest.

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