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The Corridor (A Prose Poem)

Creak Creak.
The wooden steps beneath my feet as I walk deeper down the dungeons corridor. The light of the lantern above leads me, though I know not where. Brick laid walls are all I see, the dimensions seemingly coming closer with each step.
Turning and turning, lower and lower.
Haunting vibrations run through my spine as I hear a shrill noise. Bellowing voices call out below, like cries from the depths of hell.
Further still, I venture.
My fingertips touch the bricks; a thick slimy liquid coats each curvature. A grotesque odor permeates through the ghastly couloir, getting heavier with each loathsome gait. Soon enough, I recognize it as that of sulfur.
Luminous flickering light reflect against the bricks, confirming the fiery sulfuric smell.
The light brightens into a blinding glow.
At last, I reach the end of the corridor. The light stands before me, and nothing more.

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Comments

And it wouldn't take much work to convert it from prose poem to poetry. Consider.

Creak Creak.
The wooden steps beneath my feet
as I walk deeper down the dungeons corridor.
The light of the lantern above leads me,
though I know not where.
Brick laid walls are all I see,
the dimensions seemingly coming closer with each step. [need to edit this line]
Turning and turning,
lower and lower.
Haunting vibrations run through my spine
as I hear a shrill noise,
like that of the highest pitch ever heard by man. [could use a metaphor here]
Bellowing voices call out below,
like cries from the depths of hell. [lose 'like']
Further still, I venture.
My fingertips touch the bricks;
a thick slimy liquid coats each curvature. [curvature in bricks?]
An indescribable odor permeates through the ghastly couloir, [sic colour?. you can do better than 'indescribable']
getting heavier with each loathsome gait.
Soon enough, I recognize it as that of sulfur. [lose 'it as that of' ]
Luminous flickering light reflect against the bricks,
confirming the fiery sulfuric smell.
The light brightens into a blinding glow.
At last, I reach the end of the corridor.
The light stands before me,
and nothing more.

Great ending!
All the above just suggestions, but I like this as a poem and the ambiguous subtext.

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

so much for the critique! Though i like this as a prose poem, i'll considering turning it into a poem.
I agree with most of your suggestions, and have made a few changes.
By curvature i meant the curving as your turning down..but i guess that doesn't really make sense, now that i think about it.
& "couloir" is actually another word for corridor.

Thanks!
Amber

author comment

not couloir as in a deep mountainside gorge or gully,
the context didn't really evoke it, but it's good to use obscure word and make people think.

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

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